


Pretending to Be Okay

by anc



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Blow Jobs, Depression, Explicit Language, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, Nerd Dean, Punk Castiel, Rough Sex, Sick Dean Winchester, Underage Drinking, anger issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 16:59:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2589257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anc/pseuds/anc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is an anxious, lonely nerd with a grand total of three friends. He also happens to be the favorite target of all the bullies at his high school...Well, at least that was true as long as Castiel Novak wasn't around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kharisma21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kharisma21/gifts).



> This is for my buddy Kharisma21 who requested that I expand on my _Something to Talk About_ one shot from this https://archiveofourown.org/works/2575001 collection of stories. This first chapter is actually the one shot but with added detail. :) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story, Jenn! <3 And I hope that my take on punk Cas is to your liking!
> 
> (Sorry for any mistakes!)

“I’m telling you dude, he’s in love with you,” Ash told Dean as they sat down next to their friends, Charlie and Jo, at one of the long, rectangular shaped tables in the cafeteria. 

“He barely speaks to me!” Dean retorted, looking down at his food shyly. 

“Are you guys talking about Castiel?” Jo asked suddenly, making Dean turn bright red. 

It was no secret that Dean liked Castiel Novak. On the contrary, it was, and always had been painfully obvious that Dean was over the moon for the edgy, independent older boy who roamed the halls of their high school like he was untouchable. However, Dean was not under any allusion that Castiel could, or would ever like him back. Despite the fact that all of Dean's friends insisted that Castiel was infatuated with him, he knew better. Sure Castiel was nice to him, always defending him against bullies like Alastair and Azazel, but Dean knew that was due to the simple fact that Castiel was just a good guy. Castiel was one of those dudes that didn’t take bullshit from anybody and when he thought something was wrong, he didn’t hesitate to step up and speak his mind. He was the exact opposite of Dean, who could barely defend himself, let alone anyone else. Truth be told, if it hadn’t been for Castiel watching his back since freshman year, Dean probably would have been in the double digits when it came to getting his ass handed to him. As it was, Alastair had already given him a black eye and dislocated his left shoulder and that was only in his first year of high school. Now, Dean was two months into his sophomore year and his tormentors had decided to kick it up a notch, really getting creative with atomic wedgies, super gluing his locker shut and all sorts of other ridiculously childish things that Dean wished didn’t get to him the way they did. Thankfully however, Castiel had been there to stop most of the really nasty stuff, and occasionally walked him to class so Alastair and Azazel wouldn’t bother him. Castiel was always keeping an eye on him when he could and Dean couldn’t have been more grateful. 

But it didn’t mean that Castiel liked him. He was just a cool dude that was into that “treat others as you would want to be treated,” hippie, tree-hugging shit. There was no way someone as confident and mellow as Castiel could ever be attracted to such giant spazz like Dean. Sometimes, Dean honestly couldn’t even figure out why Castiel was so hell bent on sticking up for him. Most of the time Dean couldn’t even pull himself together long enough to tell Castiel thank you. No, all he could do was turn crimson from head to toe and act like a complete and total buffoon every time Castiel saved him from another ass beating. More often than not, he would just stand there, hyperventilating and stuttering while Castiel asked if he was alright. It was pathetic, and it was also why Dean was certain that Castiel wasn’t interested in him romantically. Dean was convinced that the gorgeous older boy only saw him as some miserable, desperate weakling that he couldn't help but feel sorry for and it was the worst feeling in the world. The thought of Castiel pitying him honestly crushed Dean's soul.

“Yeah, I’m trying to convince Dean-o here that the king of the punk scene is crushing on him hard, but he doesn’t believe me,” Ash explained. 

Feeling himself blush even deeper, if that were possible, Dean found the nerve to look up at his friends, adjusting his glass which had slipped down too far on his nose. 

“The ‘king of the punk scene,’ really Ash? What are you, his groupie?” Dean questioned, pretending like he didn’t think Castiel Novak was the greatest thing since sliced bread. 

“Don’t act like you’re all calm and collected, douche bag. I bet knowing Castiel has a crush on you has your little virgin ass all hot and bothered,” Ash chuckled. 

Ash had a point. Just entertaining the mere thought of Castiel having feelings for him sent Dean’s heart into over drive. Which was ridiculous, of course, considering there was just no way that it was true. 

“Shut up, jerk! He doesn’t have a crush on me. I’m a loser and…yes, I’m a virgin and he’s got a ton more of experience than me and I’m sure he doesn’t want to waste his time with someone who doesn’t know what he’s doing when it comes to that sort of thing…I’m not even his type. Besides, everybody knows Castiel thinks he’s too cool to give _anyone_ the time of day,” Dean ranted, not realizing that the current subject of his conversation had just walked up to the table. 

Dean’s statement was not untrue, Castiel did have a complex, being the angsty punk kid that he was, but that didn’t stop Castiel from feigning offense. 

“Is that so, Winchester?” Dean heard Castiel say, the deep, rumbling tone of his voice making him jump violently in response. 

Looking to his right, Dean saw Castiel standing there, his tattoo covered arms folded across his chest and his pierced left eyebrow raised in a questioning manner. He was wearing a pair for ripped jeans and a tight fitting band t-shirt, one Dean had never heard of, as he stared down at him with his bright blue eyes, the sparkling orbs more pronounced because of the eyeliner he was rocking. 

“Um…I…I’m sorry Cas,” Dean stammered, now the color of a ripe tomato. 

That was just what he needed, to piss off the guy who, out of the kindness of his heart, spent his free time sticking up for him. ‘Way to be, Winchester,” Dean thought to himself as he looked up at Castiel apologetically. 

“It’s okay, cutie. Lucky for you, you’re wrong. You are exactly my type,” Castiel teased, winking at Dean. 

“…I.. I am?” Dean managed to say, his heart pumping so fast he thought he might faint. 

Where the hell was this coming from? …Had Cas just called him cute? Narrowing his eyes at the older boy, Dean fought to maintain his composure, barely able to believe his own ears. In all of the eleven years they had been acquaintances, Castiel had never spoken to Dean in this fashion. 

“Yep, which leads me to my reason for coming over here...Would you like to go out with me sometime?” Castiel asked, making Dean’s jaw drop. 

“I fucking knew it!” Dean heard Ash shout. 

“Shut up Ash, we all knew it! Well, except Dean…” Charlie chimed in. 

“What’s it gonna be, Winchester?” Castiel asked again, ignoring the others. 

“…Y-yes, I’d love to,” Dean replied shyly, earning a cocky, triumphant grin from Castiel.

“Whoa, what?!” Dean vaguely heard Jo gasp, completely lost in Castiel’s electric blue eyes that were now twinkling with happiness. 

“Perfect. Listen, I have to get to an appointment with my science teacher right now, but maybe we can meet in the parking lot tomorrow after school and hammer out the details?” Castiel suggested coolly as Dean’s friends murmured amongst themselves. 

If he hadn’t been so delighted that Dean had actually said yes to him, Castiel would have asked them why the fuck they were being so sketchy but at the moment, he could have given a shit less. Dean Winchester, the adorable, sweet guy that he had been crushing on for the last two years had just agreed to go out with him. All was right was the world as far as Castiel was concerned. 

“…Uhh, o-okay…S-see you then,” Dean agreed bashfully. 

Smirking, Castiel licked his lips hungrily, the color of his light pink tongue vibrant against the mental snake bite piercings on his bottom lip. He was staring at Dean in a way that made the younger boy's whole body feel as though it had just caught fire and Dean had to fight against a shiver that was threatening to roll up his spine. And it didn't help Dean's situation that the action had also revealed Castiel's tongue piercing, a silver barbell with blue colored studs on both ends which the younger boy had to admit was the HOTTEST thing he had ever seen. 

“Looking forward to it, cutie.” Castiel replied huskily before turning on his heels and sauntering away, leaving not only Dean, but all of his friends speechless. 

It was a solid minute before anyone could even register what had just happened, Jo being the first to break the silence. 

“Are you out of your mind?” she asked Dean incredulously. 

“…I…I don’t know what came over me…” Dean confessed, shooting her a desperate look. 

“It’s okay, Dean…Just try to stay calm,” Jo said soothingly, reaching over to pat her friend on the back. 

“Dean…I really think you should rethink going out with Castiel…You know…With your condition and all,” Charlie piped up and even though Dean knew she was just trying to look out for him, he couldn’t help but flinch at her words. 

Of course, she was right. Dean had an array of disorders, all of them anxiety related, and going out with Castiel, whose very existence made him anxious, was a TERRIBLE idea. Especially considering that over the years he had started to develop other problems, the biggest concern being his heart, which due to all the stress brought on by his anxiety, had weakened. Dean was only sixteen years old and his doctor had informed him just two months prior that he was at serious risk of a heart attack. And in his current condition, going out with Castiel, especially with the way those beautiful blue eyes of his made Dean’s heart race, would be as dangerous as licking a light socket. 

“Charlie has a point, Dean. You need to tell Castiel you can’t go out with him,” Jo told Dean, making him frown. 

“I’ll be okay, Jo. I have my medicine and the breathing exercises that my doctor gave me,” Dean explained but was unable to finish his thought, falling silent when Jo shot him a pointed look. 

“Try selling that bullshit to someone who hasn’t known you since you were a baby, asshat,” Jo scolded, “I’ve seen you lose control before, on more than one occasion, and I know that even with your medicine that if you have a really bad episode you could…you could die.”

Taking a ragged breath, Jo then turned her head away, trying to hide the fact that she was on the verge of tears. She had grown up with Dean, their parents being best friends from college, and the thought of losing the boy she consider to be her brother was too much for her to handle. 

“I’m going to have to side with Harvelle on this one, bud, even though I was really rooting for Castiel to pop your cherry,” Ash stated, looking at Dean sympathetically. 

“Jesus, Ash! Don’t rile him up! Were you not just listening to our conversation?” Jo barked as she resumed rubbing Dean’s back, Dean trying desperately not to hyperventilate. 

“Dude, are you even healthy enough to let Castiel bend you over?” Ash questioned, sounding completely genuine. 

Letting out a sharp gasp, Dean attempted to response but the words were trapped in his throat. 

“What is this? A commercial for erectile dysfunction?” Charlie teased and at that moment, Dean could have sworn he was actually having a heart attack. 

“Guys, stop! Dean, you have to calm down, it’s okay,” Dean heard Jo say, her voice soft and calming in his ear. 

Closing his eyes, Dean focused on his breathing as his medical physician and psychiatrist had taught him, trying to get is heartbeat back to normal. And by the time the bell rang for fifth period the tightness he felt in his chest was starting to loosen up. 

“Better?” Jo asked when Dean finally opened his eyes. 

“Yeah…But what I’m a going to do, Joanna Beth? I don’t want to have to cancel my date with Castiel because I’m….crazy...I just want to be normal…” Dean mumbled, hanging his head in shame. 

“Dean Winchester, you are not crazy,” Jo scolded, grabbing his chin with her thumb and index finger to tilt back his head so they were looking each other in the eyes. “We’ll figure something out, okay? Besides, I’m with Ash. We need to find a way for you to _safely_ get fucked into oblivion by the boy you’ve had a crush on since you were nine,” Jo teased, making everyone, except a very distraught Dean, laugh as they got up to put away their lunch trays. 

“…And if that doesn’t work, at least you’ll die happy, am I right?” Ash joked, playfully slapping Dean on the back. 

“He doesn’t want to have sex with me, you guys…” Dean muttered shyly, the four of them exiting the cafeteria. 

“Aw, he’s so innocent…Look at his little red cheeks!” Charlie teased as Dean hid himself behind Jo in a silent plea help. 

Unfortunately for him, Jo was not in a helpful mood. 

“Oh Dean, trust me, Castiel so wants to have sex with you,” she giggled. 

“It’s true, man. I bet he’s just jonesing to get his hands on that virgin ass,” Ash chimed in vulgarly. 

“I’m going to class, and I hate you all,” Dean grumbled, storming off toward his English class, the sounds of his friends’ hysterical laughter ringing in his ears as he made his way down the hall. 

When he reached his destination, Dean sank down into his chair, trying and failing to stay calm as the memory of Castiel's blue eyes, beautiful and hood with lust, flooded his mind. 

What the hell was he going to do? He couldn't cancel on the older boy, he just couldn't. But on the other hand, letting himself get worked up, like he knew he would if he were around Castiel for any extended period of time, was extremely dangerous. 

'You know what? I don't even care. I'm not about to pass up an opportunity to get to know Castiel just because my stupid heart is being a little bitch,' Dean thought suddenly. 

And it was then that he decided to say the hell with it and throw caution to the wind. If anything, Ash was probably right. Death by Castiel was probably the best way to go.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **** means time has passed. :) And please forgive any mistakes!
> 
> Enjoy!

By the time Dean got home from school that afternoon he was seriously rethinking his position about not canceling on Castiel. It was out of reluctance, obviously, but it had only been three hours since that good-looking bastard had asked him out and as a result, Dean was now trying to work through his second panic attack in that short time span. Stumbling into his living room, Dean leaned against the closest wall for support, his breathing shallow and sporadic. Clenching his fists, his head swam at the thought of Castiel and their impending date. 

How in the actual fuck was he going to pull this off? He hadn’t even made official plans with Castiel yet and Dean was already going ape shit crazy. What if he made a fool out of himself in front of the older boy? What if he ended up saying something stupid and Castiel decided that he wasn’t going to stick up for him anymore?

“ _Fuck, fuck, fuck_!” Dean whined under his breath as felt a sharp, white-hot pain streak across his chest. 

‘Damn it, Winchester! Focus!’ he thought, mentally scolding himself. 

He then opened his mouth and sighed gently in an effort to slow down his breathing, letting his shoulder muscles relax as he did so. Once he had done that, he closed his mouth and took a short pause before inhaling slowly through his nose by pushing out his stomach. It was a technique that he had learned from his doctor when he was younger which always seemed to do the trick. And thankfully, after repeating the action a couple of times, Dean started to feel a little bit steadier. 

“You okay, dude?” Dean heard someone asked suddenly, making him jump. 

Snapping his eyes open, he soon realized that the voice belonged to his younger brother Sam, who was now standing in front of him, looking extremely concerned. 

“Yeah, I’m good Sammy…It’s just been one of those days,” Dean said wearily but smiled at Sam nevertheless in hopes of comforting him. 

“...You sure? Did you take your medicine this morning? I can call mom or dad if you need-” Sam babbled nervously before Dean cut him off, walking forward to pat him on the shoulder in a soothing manner. 

“I’m really okay. And yes, I took my medicine. I made you a promise, remember? And I intend to keep it,” Dean told him, hoping he didn’t sound as agitated as he felt. 

Constantly having to assure Sam that he was taking his medicine was annoying, despite the fact that he knew his little brother was just looking out for him. Although, he couldn’t be too mad at Sam. If roles were reversed, and Sam had a history of neglecting to take the medication that was vital to his survival like Dean did, he would have been on his little brother’s ass day and night about keeping up with it. 

In all honestly, Sam wasn’t even that much of a nag when Dean took into consideration how irresponsible he used to be with his medication. When he was first diagnosed with all of his anxiety issues, Dean had been bitter and angry and had refused to take the medicine his doctor had prescribed him. The pills had made him feel tired and sluggish, plus, he hated that he had to use them in order for his body to function properly. But most of all, he couldn’t stand the fact that the pills made him feel like he was broken…crazy. Normal people didn’t have to take pills to deal with low level stress but in Dean’s case, he couldn’t even say hello to a stranger without hyperventilating if he wasn't on his medication. It was infuriating, and the fact that he was unable to maintain relationships with other people without the assistance of a drug broke his heart. 

However, despite hating the pills and the way they made him feel, he took them for Sam. This was mostly because he couldn’t stand to see Sam get upset over his random freak outs. Dean still vividly remembered the time that he had promised his little brother he would never miss another dose of his medication again. It had been a year earlier, after the younger boy had witnessed Dean suffer a panic attack so bad that he had passed out and hit his head on the tiled floor of their bathroom. When Dean had come to, Sam pulled him into a hug, sobbing against his shoulder and begged him to stop putting himself at risk. And of course, because Sam was more important to Dean than his pride, he promised to take his medicine regularly from that moment on. 

“I know, Dean…I just wanted to make sure you didn’t forget,” Sam explained. 

“Nah, dude. I’m on it like white on rice,” Dean chuckled, trying to alleviate some of the tension in the room. “Any trouble on the bus?” he asked suddenly, taking that opportunity to change the subject. 

“Nope, Dirk hasn’t bothered me since I stood up to him like you told me to,” Sam said happily. 

“That’s great, Sammy. See? It’s all about intimidation. Now that Dirk knows you aren’t scared of him, he’ll probably leave you alone for good,” Dean mused, wishing that he could practice what he preached. 

Unfortunately for him, Dean lived in a state of constant fear and he always felt intimidated by other people. And his tormentors, Alastair and Azazel, knew that all too well. 

“I sure hope so. Hey, is Adam at daycare or did he go home with Colin today?” Sam asked off subject, referring to their baby brother.

“Colin’s I think…Ellen took the day off because she has a ton of vacation time so I’m pretty sure she picked the two of them up from school,” Dean explained. 

Colin, Ellen’s son and Jo’s younger brother, was Adam’s best friend and anytime the two of them were given the opportunity to hangout, they took it. 

“Okay, well I’m gonna go do my homework before everybody else gets home,” Sam told him. “…You sure you don’t need anything?” he added, noticing that Dean was pale. 

“I’m fine, munchkin. Now clear out! Go put that giant brain of yours to work,” Dean teased as he shooed Sam away. 

“You’re smarter than me, Dean,” Sam retorted, disappearing up the stairs before Dean could argue. 

Once he was alone again, Dean decided that his best bet would be to follow Sam’s lead and get his homework out of the way. Hopefully if he was focusing on the battles that took place during Civil War he wouldn’t have time to lose his mind over his Castiel dilemma. 

Walking over to sit on the couch, Dean shrugged his backpack off his right shoulder and opened it to retrieve his textbook. He then spent the next couple of hours filling out his assignments, only pausing to greet his mother, father and brother when they arrived home later that day and luckily, he was able to complete his work by the time Mary put dinner on the table around six. 

When he was summoned to the kitchen, Dean stood up and rubbed his eyes wearily from underneath his glasses before heading into the other room to join his family for their evening meal. 

“So boys,” Dean’s mother said once they were all seated at the table, looking around affectionately at her husband and three sons, “How was everybody’s day?”

“Same old you-know-what but a different day, sweetheart,” her husband sighed. 

“As long as there were no major setbacks, I guess no news is good news,” Mary relied, giving John a playful wink. 

“I made a new friend today!” Adam stated happily. 

“Oh yeah? Good for you squirt,” Dean congratulated as he scooped some mashed potatoes onto his plate. 

“Well, I dissected a frog today in science class. It was awesome!” Sam chimed in, trying to compete with Adam for their older brother’s attention. 

“That’s cool, Sammy,” Dean told him, shooting his middle sibling a toothy grin. “Sounds like both my baby brothers had a good day,” he added in an attempted to sooth the growing hostility between the fourteen and five year old. 

“What about you, my little angel? How was your day?” Mary asked her eldest son, passing a platter of dinner rolls across the table to him. 

“It was pretty great actually,” Dean confessed between bites of his meal. “I got asked out on a date.” 

“Oh my goodness, that’s wonderful!” Mary cheered. 

Unfortunately for Dean however, she was the only one of his parents that seemed excited about the news. 

“You are too young to be dating,” John interjected, making Dean’s heart drop into his stomach. 

“Oh John, he’s sixteen. You and I were the same age when we started dating,” Mary reminded him. 

“I don’t like it, Mary. Dean needs to be focusing on his school work, not going off on dates,” John grumbled. 

“Well, I think it would be good for our son to get out of the house. All he does is study and I think he deserves to have some fun,” Mary replied in a matter of fact tone. 

“Thanks mom,” Dean said, shooting her a bright smile. 

“I’m not saying Dean doesn’t deserve to have fun…I just…I just worry about you, son. You’ve never dated before and relationships can be tough. Now, I’m not trying to criticize you, but you are a sensitive kid, and I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” John explained nervously.

It was quite out of the ordinary for his father to talk like that, John being the strong and silent type, but it warmed Dean’s heart to see that his dad was making an effort to show him that he was worried about him. Even if that worry was threatening to foil his plans to go out with his eyeliner wearing, piercing riddled, sex-on-legs Adonis who had the face of an angel and a better ass than J-Lo. 

“I get what you are saying, dad. And I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be fine,” Dean assured him. 

“So, who’s the lucky girl? I must say, I already like that she took the unconventional approached and asked you out,” Mary teased. 

“Let’s face it, with how tongue tied Dean always gets whenever he talks to girls, she probably did the asking out of self-defense,” Sam chimed in, earning a dirty look from his older brother. 

“Get bent, Sam! I don’t get that tongue tied!” Dean grumbled, lying through his teeth. 

“Ha! You can’t even say two words to Lisa Braden,” Sam chuckled. 

“Yeah, well that’s because she’s gorgeous and the captain for the cheerleading squad, not to mention so incredibly far out of my league,” Dean said defensively. 

“Nerd,” Sam shot back. 

“Boys! Behave yourselves,” Mary warned. “And what about my question, Dean? Who asked you out?” she added, her blue eyes shining with eagerness. 

“Um…Well, first off…It wasn’t a girl,” Dean explained, causing his dad to choke on the piece of steak he had just began to chew. 

“So you still think you are into boys?” John asked, clearing his throat. 

“I don’t _think_ I’m into boys, dad. I know I am,” Dean sighed, resisting to the urge to roll his eyes. 

“It’s a phase, son,” John argued and Mary kicked him in his shin for his trouble. 

“I’m sorry, Dean. I shouldn’t have assumed it was a girl. Who is the lucky boy?” Mary asked, narrowing her eyes at John when he looked like he was going to say something sarcastic. 

“It’s cool, mom. And it’s Castiel. Castiel Novak,” Dean informed her, holding his breath as the name sank in. 

“Over my dead body,” John growled, balling up his fist to slam it down on the table in anger. 

“John,” Mary began, but was cut off by her husband who began to rant.

“I will not let my son go out with a criminal,” John barked, “That Novak boy is rude, disrespect and quite frankly, his flagrant disregard for authority offends me to my core.”

“Oh my God, dad! He’s not a criminal! Cas got busted for vandalizing school property once. It’s not like he knocked over a liquor store,” Dean argued, feeling his blood pressure rising. 

It was stupid, and stereotypically naïve of him, taking into account his father’s earlier mention of him being a hormonal, irrational teenager, but Dean was convinced that Castiel wasn't the juvenile delinquent everyone made him out to be. When Castiel had gotten arrested he was fifteen, and it was because he had made a bad decision, which nobody could say they were immune to as a teenager, letting his friends talk him into tagging the school gym. It was a mistake. An impulsive, dumbass mistake and Castiel had paid for it willingly. Instead of trying to reduce his punishment to just community service, he had pled guilty to the change, did a short stretch in juvey, and hadn’t gotten into any trouble, legally anyway, since then. 

“You are not going anywhere with that troublemaker, Dean. End of discussion,” John nearly yelled, making Mary let out a long, defeated sigh. 

“Mom!” Dean whined, looking at her hopefully. 

He could feel his heartbeat quicken, his face and neck flushed as he fought not to hyperventilate. This could not be happening. Dean did not spend the whole day fighting his anxiety and trying to convince himself that he could overcome his fear, just for John to pull the rug out from under him. Mary couldn’t let John stop Dean for going out with Castiel, not when she knew first hand just how much he like the older boy. He had been talking about his blue eyed crush for years, and Mary just had to know how much going out with him would mean to Dean. 

“Dean, take a breath. Don’t get yourself worked up,” Mary said, looking at him as if he were a bomb that was about to explode.

“…I’m fine…I just _really_ want to go out with Castiel…Please mom,” Dean begged, failing to hide the fact that he was gasping for air. 

“…Oh honey…I’m sorry. But I’m going to have to agree with your father on this one. I really don’t feel comfortable letting you go out with a boy who has such a bad reputation,” Mary confessed, and even though she was crushing his dream of spending one on one time with Castiel, she still somehow managed to look sympathetic. 

“…Aw, man…That’s harsh…Dean’s been crushing on that Castiel dude since forever,” Sam interjected suddenly. 

“…It’s okay Dean,” Adam whispered, putting his tiny hand on Dean’s forearm. “There are pwenty of fish in the sea,” he assured him. 

Shaking his head, Dean felt himself relax a tiny bit, his adorable baby brother serving as his anchor. 

“See? Even your five year old brother understands that this isn't the end of the world,” John pointed out smugly and Dean had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from mouthing off. 

“May I be excused?” Dean asked irritably, knowing that if he didn’t get away from his father soon that all Hell was going to break loose. 

Besides, he really needed some time to calm down. Because even though he was far too stubborn to admit it, Dean’s chest was on fire and he hadn’t felt right since he had gotten home that day. And that, mixed with the disappointment he felt about not being about to go out with Castiel had him completely worn out. 

“Of course, son. I’ll be up to check on you in a while,” Mary sighed once more, watching Dean with a hint of sadness in her eyes as he got up from the table and headed to his room. 

 

****

 

Dean was freaking the fuck out.

It was Friday, and school had just let out, which meant it was time for Dean to meet Castiel in the parking lot to make plans for their date. He had expected to be a total wreck when he made his way out to the front of the school, mainly because the mere thought of talking to Castiel always rattled his nervous, but as of that moment, he was a mess. Reaching his destination, Dean stood there awkwardly; sweat pouring off every part of his body as he desperately tried to think of a way to let Castiel down easy. This was difficult of course, considering Dean was sure that he was ten times more disappointed than Castiel would ever be. Instead of getting to suggest that they go to a movie or out to dinner, Dean had to tell Castiel that he couldn’t go out with him and he was beyond upset about it. 

How on God’s green earth was he supposed to look Castiel in his beautiful blue eyes and say he had to renege on their date? His parents were setting him up for torture. Pure, mind-numbing torture. 

“Hey there, cutie,” he heard Castiel say, lifting his gaze up from the asphalt to see the handsome older boy walking toward him. 

He was wearing a pair of tight grey jeans which were ripped in several different places on both legs and a ratty black Sex Pistols t-shirt, his unruly sex hair styled to perfection and all of his facial piercings were gleaming in the sun light. The sight was captivating, and Dean found himself so distracted by Castiel’s beauty that he almost forgot to speak. 

“…H-hi Cas,” Dean finally managed to stammer, the familiar feeling of anxiety bubbling in his chest. 

Castiel hadn’t been present for more than a minute, and Dean was already blushing like a school girl with a bad case of puppy love. 

“Has anyone ever told you how irresistibly adorable you are?” Castiel asked, reaching forward to rub his thumb soothingly over one of Dean’s bright red cheeks just below his glasses. 

“Cas,” Dean said shyly, daring to look the older boy in the eyes. 

“What? I just call it like I see it, babe. And you are downright precious,” Castiel insisted before seductively biting his bottom lip between his snake bit piercings, the simple action going straight to Dean’s dick. 

“…Cas…” Dean repeated, sounding far more flustered than he meant to. “…There’s something I’ve gotta tell ya…” 

“What’s that freckles?” Castiel asked, making Dean scowl at the nickname even though he secretly loved it. 

“…I…I can’t go out with you this weekend…” Dean confessed, his heart sinking when the smile on Castiel’s face faded, replaced with a confused frown. 

“I don’t understand, Dean. You said you wanted to go out with me,” Castiel pouted, coyly taking a step closer to Dean so that he could run his fingers through the younger boy’s short brown hair. “I thought you liked me…”

“I do!” Dean replied urgently, his brain short circuiting when Castiel began to massage the base of his skull with his fingertips. “…It’s just…my parents…they don’t…”

“Ah, that’s what it is,” Castiel chuckled, speaking as though a light bulb had just turned on above his head. “Mommy and daddy don’t want me to corrupt there good little boy.” 

“I’m sorry, Cas…I-…I really wanted to go out with you…” Dean assured him, trying not to look as disappointed as he felt when Castiel removed his hand from his hair. 

“Don’t sweat it, freckles. Your parents have a point,” Castiel told him. 

“They do?” Dean asked, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. 

“Yeah. If I had you all to myself, your innocence would definitely be in danger,” Castiel teased, lightly trailing his fingernails, which were painted with black polish, down Dean’s sides to rest his hands on his hips. 

“…I...I could lie,” Dean blurted out, his heart beating faster than a rabbit’s.

“I’m listening, gorgeous,” Castiel said, a mischievous sparkle in his bright blue eyes as he pressed their bodies together. 

Smirking when Dean let out a surprised gasp, Castiel waited patiently for the younger boy to find his words, using his thumbs to rub circles against Dean’s hips just above the waistline of his jeans. 

“I could just…” Dean muttered, the blush on his face blazing like a wildfire as he tried to speak coherently. “…I could lie and tell my parents that I’m spending the night at Ash’s house…We couldn’t go out because we’d be at risk of one of my parents friends seeing us…but…but maybe we could hang out at your house and watch a movie there?”

“I like the way you think, Winchester. How about you come over around seven?” Castiel asked, causing Dean to nearly faint when he leaned forward, playfully giving him an Eskimo kiss. 

“To-tonight?” Dean wheezed, his hands instinctively reaching up to grab onto Castiel’s biceps for support. 

“Unless you’re busy?” Castiel taunted, although he looked a tad bit concerned for Dean. 

“…No…I …Tonight…be there…” Dean mumbled, sounding like a Neanderthal. 

“Great. Do you want to watch Star Wars or Indiana Jones?” Castiel inquired, attempting to calm Dean down. 

“…I love both…Surprise me…” Dean told him, his fingers digging into Castiel’s arms as he struggled to relax. 

“Well it’s settled then, my place at seven. I can’t wait,” Castiel purred, shocking the hell out of Dean by placing a chased kiss to his sweaty forehead. 

“M-me either,” Dean replied, smiling in spite of the fact that there was an agonizing pain shooting down his arm. 

“Hey, how are you getting home?” Castiel asked all of a sudden, seeming to just realized that the school parking lot was now completely empty.

“Oh crap, I was supposed to take the bus…” Dean groaned, knowing that he had missed his ride. 

“It’s okay, freckles. I’ll take you home,” Castiel chuckled, slowly stepping back from Dean to offer him his hand. 

Hesitantly, Dean reached out to take it, his own hand visibly trembling as he lace his fingers with Castiel’s, following the older boy as he lead him to his car. 

“You drive a Ford Tempo?” Dean asked judgingly when they reached Castiel’s vehicle after a short walk. 

“You got something to say, Winchester?” Castiel shot back as he fished his keys out of his pocket. 

Then, much to Dean’s displeasure, he let go of his hand, unlocking the passenger’s side door before walking around the car and getting into the driver’s seat. 

“…I just…can’t believe this thing still runs. Ford stop manufacturing Tempos in 1994,” Dean explained timidly when was he was seated next to Castiel in the car. 

“Dean Winchester, I always knew you were a pop culture nerd but I never pegged you for a car geek,” Castiel taunted. 

“Shut up…I can’t help it that I’m fascinated by the fact that I’m actually sitting in a Tempo. These things are like dinosaurs,” Dean grumbled, laying on as much sass as he could muster. 

“Hey, she’s kinda like a cougar,” Castiel told him as he started the engine, “She might be old, but she still gets the job done.” 

Wrinkling his nose at Castiel’s suggestive comment, Dean shifted awkwardly in his seat, the sight of his discomfort making the blue eyed boy laugh. 

“Do you mind if we listen to music?” Dean asked abruptly, pointing at the radio as Castiel pulled out of the school parking lot. 

He knew that the polite course of action would have been to make conversation with Castiel, but at that moment, Dean was so overwhelmed and in so much pain from his temperamental heart that he needed an excuse to avoid further interaction with the boy who made his body malfunction. 

“Sure, pick whatever station you want,” Castiel said sweetly, shooting him a quick smile. 

Once he had Castiel’s permission to be in charge of the radio, Dean returned the older boy’s smile before reaching forward to scan through his preset stations. However, after a few minutes of failing to find a song that he like, Dean hit the scan button, immediately stumbling upon a 90’s mix channel. The station was currently playing the song Dean recognized as _How You Remind Me_ by Nickelback and because he remembered that it had been popular when it came out, he left it on and settled back in his seat. 

Proud of himself for finding a song that he thought Castiel would like because it was sort of angsty and dark, like the kind of stuff the older boy was into, Dean was bursting with a new sense of confidence until he heard the boy next to him let out a noise of disgust. 

“What in the fuck are you doing?” Castiel asked harshly and Dean couldn’t help but flinch at his aggravated tone. 

“You…you said I could pick the music…” Dean stuttered, hating that he was actually on the verge of tears because Castiel had cursed at him. 

When Dean spoke, Castiel seemed to realized that he had upset him and cautiously reached over to grab Dean’s left hand, bringing it up to his lips to give it a gentle kiss. 

“Yeah, I know what I said but this isn’t music, freckles. This is the sound of a dying goat,” Castiel joked, his voice back to its natural calm, rumbly tone. 

Biting his bottom lip, Dean nodded, allowing Castiel to lace their fingers together as he eyed the older boy nervously, not wanting him to snap again. He had never seen Castiel get angry like that before, not even in the past when he had witnessed him telling off Alastair and Azazel for bulling him. And he couldn’t help but think that that was most likely why it had affect him so much. Castiel was always so calm and even tempered, so when he snapped at Dean, the younger boy had let it hurt his feelings even though it shouldn’t have. And it probably didn't help that Dean was, as his father put it, “a sensitive kid." 

“…Sorry Cas…” Dean whispered, giving Castiel’s hand a light squeeze before pulling away. 

His palm was soaked with sweat from his nerves and he didn’t want Castiel to have to hold onto his gross, wet hand just because he felt bad for him. 

“Don’t apologize, Dean, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Castiel sighed, seeming extremely agitated, but Dean was almost positive it wasn’t because of him. 

“Hey, why don’t we play one of these?” Dean suggested, pointing to the CD holder that was attached to the backside of the mirror above the passenger's seat in a desperate attempt to move on from the awkward situation they were currently in. 

“Good idea, freckles. Hand me that orange one at the top,” Castiel told him. 

Doing as he was instructed, Dean gave the compact disc to Castiel, who in turn put it in his CD player and used the up arrow to skip to the third song. 

“…Oh by the way…Nice CD player, grandpa,” Dean teased, bringing a shit eating grin to Castiel’s lips. 

“Watch your tongue, boy, or I’ll have to turn you over me knee,” Castiel retorted, chuckling softly when Dean choked on air. 

“….Wh-why…did you pick this song?” Dean gasped between coughs. 

It was a blatant change of subject, but he was not about to touch Castiel’s comment with a ten foot pole and Dean figured the song was his best escape plan. 

“It’s one of my favorites. I’ve even got some of the lyrics tattooed right here,” Castiel told him, holding out his right arm to reveal a patch of skin right below his wrist with the words, _“Trust” is a dirty word that comes only from such a liar. But "respect" is something I will earn…If you have faith_ , in gorgeous loopy cursive. 

“That’s…really beautiful, Cas…” Dean whispered, absentmindedly tracing the tattoo with his index finger. 

“Thanks freckles,” Castiel said softly as he turned onto Dean’s street. 

“…You know…I’m really glad you asked me to hang out and I’m excited about tonight…” Dean blurted out when the older boy rolled to a stop in front of his house. 

“Me too," Castiel replied affectionately, giving him an award winning smile. 

“…Well…I’ll um…See you t-then…” Dean stuttered, fumbling with the door handle for an embarrassingly long time before he was finally able to exit the vehicle. “Bye Cas…”

“Goodbye Dean, I’ll catch cha later,” Castiel said smoothly, shooting Dean a sly wink before the younger boy shut the passenger’s side door and with wobbly legs, headed toward his front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL I couldn't resist a Nickelback joke, Jenn. I just couldn't! ;P


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, please forgive any mistakes! <3

When he pulled up to Castiel’s house at seven o’clock that night in his dad’s sleek, mint condition 1967 Chevy impala, wearing his best pair of jeans and a light blue V-neck shirt, Dean couldn’t help but feel like a badass. 

He had successfully convinced his parents that he was spending the night at Ash’s and his father had even willingly let him borrow his car. Of course, he knew that his parents had been so quick to give him permission to go to Ash’s because they didn’t think it was healthy for him to stay cooped up in the house all weekend, like he usually did, and his father had probably allowed him to take the Impala because he felt bad for breaking Dean’s poor little sensitive heart by not letting him go out with Castiel. But Dean didn’t care about any of that at the moment. As of right then and there, he was king of the world. 

That was until he walked up the path that led to Castiel’s front door. 

As he reached out to ring the doorbell, all the confidence that Dean had felt just a moment before drained out of him completely and he was now sweating like a whore in church as he waited for his blue eyed dreamboat. 

“Hey there, freckles,” Castiel greeted when he opened the door . 

He had changed his clothes from earlier, and was now dressed in a pair of skin tight jeans and a black button down shirt with both of his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, revealing the plethora of tattoos that covered his arms. His dark spiky hair was damp, and a mess as usual, and he smelled strongly of body wash. However, probably because he had just gotten out of the shower, Castiel strangely enough was not rocking his patented thick eyeliner. Not that it made a bit of difference to Dean though, eyeliner or not, Castiel was the most stunning thing he had ever seen. 

“H-hi,” Dean squawked, the familiar warm sensation of blush spreading across his cheeks as it did every time he was in the older boy’s presence. 

“Like what you see?” Castiel asked in response, rising his pierced left eyebrow at Dean suggestively. 

It was then that Dean realized he was gawking. Shutting his mouth, which embarrassingly enough had been open in awe at the fine specimen of man before him, Dean cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“…Yeah…Y-you look amazing, Cas,” Dean confessed, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. 

“Right back at ya, Winchester,” Castiel replied, stepping back so Dean could enter the house. 

Taking the hint, Dean shuffled forward and once he was completely inside, Castiel shut the door behind him. 

“C’mon, I’ve got Raiders of the Lost Ark in my DVD player and ready to go,” Castiel told him, holding out his hand for Dean to take. 

“Where’s your family?” Dean asked timidly as he laced his fingers with Castiel’s, allowing himself to be led up the stairs located to their left. 

The house was extremely quiet, and considering the fact that Castiel had four rowdy brothers, Dean could only assume that they were not present. 

“All my siblings are out partying and my dad is on a business trip to Chicago” Castiel explained when they reached the upstairs hallway. 

It made sense when Dean though about it. It was a Friday night after all, and the entire Novak clan, Castiel included, was famous, or maybe infamous, for loving to have a good time. Which Dean thought was kind of funny, considering how different they all were personality wise. There was Gabriel, the oldest, who was quite the trickster, always getting into some sort of trouble, unlike Michael, the second oldest who was reserved and extremely goal oriented despite his interested in partying. Castiel was next in line, being the sarcastic rebellious one of the bunch who was way too smart for his own good. And finally there was Samandriel, the baby of the family who was a head-spinning mixture of all three of his older brothers. Which in all honestly was not a good thing for a hormonal sixteen year old boy to be. Needless to say, Dean did not envy Castiel's father Mr. Novak, who was a single parent working two jobs while having to deal with a house full of strong willed, outspoken boys ranging in age from 16 to 27. 

“Didn’t you want to go out with them? I thought you and your brothers always partied to together?” Dean asked as Castiel opened his bedroom door. 

“We usually do but I told them I had a hot date tonight so they let me off the hook for ditching them,” Castiel teased, and Dean had to mentally slap himself to keep from having a panic attack on the spot. 

‘Play it cool, Winchester,’ Dean thought to himself. In retrospect, he probably should have known better than to think that he could actually function properly around Castiel. Hell, he could barely keep it together around people in general, which was why it was so much harder to not lose his shit when it came to the blue eyed sex god who was shamelessly flirting with him at the moment. So, instead of responding and possibly making a fool of himself, Dean just ducked his head and tried not to draw attention to the fact that he was now the color of a fire truck as he walked passed Castiel and through his door. Dean’s failure to flirt back seemed to confuse Castiel, but he remained silent as well, falling the younger boy’s lead. 

Entering the small dimly lit room, Dean noticed immediately that Castiel’s walls were painted black, not a shocker there, and that they were covered in band posters. Surveying his surrounding more thoroughly, he also saw that Castiel had wrapped a string of blue Christmas lights around his window, which was currently illuminated, and that his bed, fully equipped with black satin sheets, was a complete mess. Not surprisingly, the bedroom smelled strongly of Castiel’s cologne and cigarette smoke, which strangely enough, despite his weak lungs, Dean found to be a very comforting scent. It was also accompanied by a third odor, much less pleasant than the combination of the first two, that he could only assume was weed. 

“Seriously dude, did we just time travel back to the 60’s?” Dean chuckled when he spotted a blue lava lamp on the table beside Castiel’s queen size bed, dense, hot liquid floating up and down lazily in the elongated glass. 

“Listen here, you little shit,” Castiel teased, letting go of Dean’s hand to ruffle his hair, “It’s vintage and I like it.”

“Whatever you say, Cas. As long as you don’t start playing Jefferson Starship or try to put flowers in my hair, it’s all good,” Dean joked, feeling himself starting to relax a tiny bit. 

“I’m diggin’ the sarcasm, freckles. I didn’t think you had it in you,” Castiel shot back as he walked over to the two bean bags chairs which he had positioned just to the left of his bed in order for the two of them to have the best view of his big screen T.V. 

Examining the area Castiel had set up for them, Dean saw that there was a large bowl of popcorn sitting between the chairs, along with two plastic cups filled with some sort of soda. Swallowing hard, he tried to ignore the fact that there was also a bottle of Jack Daniels and Fireball near their drinks. He didn’t know why the alcohol was there, but it terrified him. Unable to stop his mind from racing, Dean wondered if the alcohol was some sort of test. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t have been surprised if it was. He was painfully aware that Castiel loved to drink and have a good time and he knew that he tended to date boys, and sometimes girls, that liked to do the same. Castiel's promiscuity was self-proclaimed for Christ's sake! What if he was trying to see if Dean was the type of person he was into?; The type of person who could relax, get drunk and possibly fool around. Dean honestly wasn't sure if he was that type of person, and had never taken a drink in his life and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to. What if that pissed Castiel off? What if Castiel kicked him to the curb because of his hesitation? ‘God, why isn’t there a handbook for interpreting sketchy situations?’ Dean thought to himself, feeling his heartbeat quicken. 

“Hey, I’m just trying to hold my own against the ayatollah of sass himself,” Dean replied nervously after a moment, hoping Castiel wouldn’t notice that he was on the verge of a full-blown meltdown. 

Following Castiel’s lead, he then took a seat on one of the large, comfortable chairs, taking deep, calming breaths as he shot the older boy a small smile. Thankfully, either Castiel didn’t notice, or had decided to take pity on him by ignoring his strange behavior, because in response he just smile back, not mentioning the fact that Dean was acting extremely odd. 

“I must say, you are doing a pretty decent job so far, grasshopper. Just wait, I’ll teach you to be a master of sass in no time,” Castiel teased, offering him the bowl of popcorn. 

“Does that make you my Obi Won Kenobi?” Dean asked, unable to stop himself from nerding out as he grabbed a handful of the snack. 

“That it does, my little Anakin,” Castiel cooed, sitting the bowl back down before picking up a long, skinny remote and pointing at the T.V., the action causing young Harrison Ford to appear on the screen. 

“This is awesome, Cas,” Dean blurred out, so overwhelmed with happiness that he was having a hard time trying not act like a gigantic dork. 

It wasn’t his fault though, not really. How could he not be on cloud nine? He was in his crush’s bedroom, watching Indiana Jones after the two of them had just shared a Star Wars joke. Truth be told, it was an honest to God wonder how Dean hadn’t started puking rainbows and that his eyes didn’t take the shape of hearts every time he looked at Castiel. 

“Doesn’t take much to amuse you, does it Winchester?” Castiel asked sarcastically, despite the fact that he was eyeing Dean with affection, wearing a goofy grin. 

“Shut up,” Dean said lamely, adjusting his glasses as he turned his attention to the T.V. 

“Oh hey, this is yours,” Castiel stated suddenly, handing him one of the plastic cups filled with soda. “It’s Pepsi, I hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, Pepsi is great,” Dean assured him, taking the beverage from the older boy. 

“Awesome,” Castiel replied, and at first, it seemed as though Dean had dodged a bullet when the blue eyed boy took a sip of his own drink, not drawing any attention to the alcohol. 

However, because Dean’s luck just wasn’t that good, Castiel then reached down to unscrew the lid on the bottle of Fireball before pouring some of the dark gold liquid into his cup. 

“You want some?” he asked causally when he saw Dean staring at him wide eyed. 

“NO! I mean…I…um…I’ve never…I don’t think…” Dean stuttered, feeling light headed and peaked. 

“Dude, easy,” Castiel said, speaking as though Dean was a wild animal he was trying to tame. “If you don’t want to drink that’s completely cool with me.” 

“…Re-really? You aren’t mad?” Dean questioned nervously. 

“Hell no. If you don’t want to drink than that’s your decision. I would never get mad at you for choosing to do what you think is best for yourself. And don’t you dare ever do something you do want to just because you think it’s going to upset someone else, especially if that someone is me,” Castiel told him, making Dean honest to God go weak at the knees. 

“Okay Cas, I hear ya,” Dean replied bashfully. 

“Good, now let’s watch Harrison Ford kick some Nazi ass,” Castiel chuckled, putting the lid back on the Fireball. 

Beaming from ear to ear, Dean gave Castiel an enthusiastic nod before the both of them finally settled down to watch the film. Regardless of the fact that he had seen all of the Indiana Jones movies, more times than he was comfortable admitting, Dean was soon sucked into the storyline and was so focused on the film that when Castiel reached over to hold his hand about thirty minutes later, he nearly jumped out of his skin. 

“Jesus, freckles. Why are you so high strung? You’ve seemed on edge since you got here…Did I do something to make you feel uncomfortable?” Castiel questioned, commenting on Dean’s anxious nature for the first time EVER. 

Biting his bottom lip nervously, Dean hesitated for a moment, his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he tried to find his words. On one hand, he really didn’t want to tell Castiel the truth about why he was such a bumbling mess all the time, but on the other, he felt obligated to reassure the older boy that he was not at fault for Dean’s anxious behavior. 

“Please tell me, Dean. If I did something to upset you I need to know so I can refrain from doing to again,” Castiel added, looking at Dean sincerely. 

And that was all it took. Just that one simple statement made Dean fold like a house of cards as he reluctantly ended up admitting everything.

“…I…um…Well, let’s see…I suffer from a thing called panic disorder…I just get these random feelings of terror that pop up out of nowhere…Not to mention the fact that I am prone to panic attacks…So the reason I’ve been so spazzy ever since I got here is because being around someone as good looking and cool as you with all of my anxiety issues is like going deep sea snorkeling without an oxygen tank…Oh, and to top it all off, I have asthma…,” Dean babbled like an idiot, feeling strangely compelled to confess all of his issues to Castiel.

By that point, Dean was trembling from head to toe, fighting to catch his breath as he fell silent, waiting for the older boy to react. Dean absolutely hated telling others about his problems because he knew that they made people feel bad for him. But unfortunately, Castiel needed to know the truth if they were ever going to be more than just friends. However, Dean refused to tell the older boy about his heart condition. Anxiety problems were one thing, but the issue with is heart never failed to make people treat him as though he were an inferior, half-wit who needed to be coddled. And he did not, under any circumstances, want Castiel to baby him. 

“…Whoa, hey, calm down,” Castiel said gently, reaching over to rub Dean’s back in an attempt to comfort him. “It’s okay, cutie, I’ve got you.” 

Castiel’s voice was smooth and relaxing, and soon Dean felt the tightness in his chest releasing as he allowed Castiel to pull him over into his lap. 

“I’m sorry…You must think I’m a freak…” Dean mumbled, nuzzling against Castiel’s shoulder while the older boy held him close. 

“Don’t apologize, Dean. Having anxiety issues doesn’t make you a freak,” Castiel told him, placing a tender kiss to the top of his head. 

“…I’m usually not great at keeping myself under control but I do a lot better when I’m not around you…” Dean admitted, the statement sounding harsher than he meant it to. 

“Well shit, Winchester. Are you trying to tell me that I’m a hazard to your health?” Castiel asked, his voice playful but Dean could tell he was worried. 

“…That came out all wrong, Cas…I just meant…” Dean stammered, raising his head up to look Castiel in the eyes, “…I mean…I like you a lot, okay? But you’re…”

“I’m what, Dean?” Castiel inquired, tilting his head to the side in confusion. 

“You’re amazing!” Dean blurred out before he could stop himself, “I mean, geez Cas, you are this intelligent, badass, smokin’ hot senior and I’m just some nerdy sophomore…The fact that you are even willing to talk to me is…overwhelming.” 

“Dean, enough. Don’t put yourself down like that. You are not a loser, and I am willing to talk to you because you are kind and far more interesting than half of the other people at school,” Castiel said, rendering Dean speechless. “And I’m sorry that I made you nervous earlier, you just looked so cute all focused and into the movie…I don’t know…It just made me want to touch you,” he added, reaching up to run his thumb over Dean’s bottom lip. 

“…Casss…” Dean whined, lowering his head shyly. 

“I’m just being honest, freckles,” Castiel teased as Dean leaned closer to him. 

“I really am sorry for freaking out…I promise it wasn’t because I didn’t want you to touch me…” Dean explained, trying not to get worked up again. 

“It’s okay, Dean, honestly. But hey, can I ask you a question?” Castiel asked, his bright blue eyes meeting Dean’s sparkling green ones. 

“Anything Cas,” Dean replied, far more eagerly than he meant to. 

“Have you ever been kissed?” Castiel inquired, causing Dean to break out into a coughing fit.

“Uh…I…,” Dean gasped, feeling Castiel patting his back, “…n-no…I’ve never been kissed.”

“Would you let me be the one to change that?” Castiel questioned, the seductive tone of his voice making the hair on the back of Dean’s neck stand on end. 

“ _Yes_ ,” Dean replied in a whisper, his body humming with excitement and anticipation. 

“Tell me exactly what you want, Dean. I want this to be on your terms,” Castiel said, running his right hand through Dean’s hair. 

“I…I want you to kiss me, Cas, please,” Dean told him and that was all the older boy needed before his mouth was on Dean’s, kissing him slow and gentle. 

At first, Dean wasn’t sure what to do. The cool metal of Castiel’s lip piercings felt strange against his mouth as he tentatively pursed his lips, attempting to kiss back. 

“Just relax, baby,” Castiel whispered against Dean’s lips before kissing him again, this time with a little more enthusiasm. 

Trying to heed Castiel’s words, Dean closed his eyes, focusing his attention on the kiss. And when Castiel ran his tongue along Dean’s bottom lip, grazing the blue plastic stud of his piecing against the sensitive skin, he found himself letting out a loud, wanton noise that he had never made before in his entire life. 

He then opened his mouth a little wider, letting Castiel explore every inch of the space with his tongue. Dean could taste the sweetly flavor alcohol on Castiel’s breath as the older boy deepened the kiss. Even being as unexperienced as he was, Dean could tell Castiel was a pro and before he knew what hit him, he had a fist full of the older boy’s disheveled black hair, massaging his own tongue against Castiel’s pierced one as he moaned like a porn star going for the money shot. 

The feeling of Castiel’s mouth on his, hot and wet and downright mind-blowing, was the best thing that had ever happened to Dean thus far, which was why he was able to ignore the throbbing pain intensifying in his heart as he continued to kiss the blue eyed boy. The discomfort was undoubtedly a result of him getting so worked up, but if there were ever a time for Dean to play through pain, it would have been that moment. 

“Easy freckles, we should probably take it down a notch,” Castiel said breathlessly when Dean shifted sideways so that he could straddle the older boy’s hips. 

“But I want to keep going,” Dean whined, before flicking his tongue over the silver hoop on the left side of Castiel’s bottom lip, making him let out a sharp little gasp. 

Smirking at Castiel’s response, Dean repeated the action, this time tugging at the piercing with his teeth, making the older boy lose his cool. 

In a flash, Castiel surged forward, pushing Dean onto his back against the floor so that he could hover above him, his knees positioned on either side of the younger boy’s hips. Surprisingly, the action only threw Dean off for a second before he quickly wrapped his arms around the blue eyed boy's neck, feeling Castiel biting and sucking at his pouty, swollen lips. Kissing back furiously, Dean did his best to match each one of Castiel’s action. It was only when Dean bucked his hips, pressing the bulge in his jeans against the other boy’s crotch that Castiel finally came to his senses and broke the kiss once more. 

“Dean, baby, we have to stop,” Castiel groaned, forcing himself to roll off of him, despite the fact that the look in Dean’s eyes had his dick raring to go. 

“…Why do we have to stop?” Dean asked petulantly, remaining on his back with his eyes closed, trying to manage his breathing. 

“Well firstly, you look like you are about two seconds away from needing a paper bag and a yoga instructor and I really don't want you passing out on me,” Castiel teased, maneuvering himself back into his chair. 

Opening his eyes and sitting up, Dean shot the older boy a dirty look as he watched him lean back in his seat cockily, his chest heaving from their kiss. 

He was sitting with his legs spread apart and Dean could see that he was half hard which made him blush furiously. Noticing Dean’s reaction, Castiel smiled at him lazily before saying, “And secondly, while _I’m_ not completely against it, I didn’t think you would want the first orgasm I gave you to be a result of dry humping. Besides, coming in your pants is pretty uncomfortable when everything is said and done.”

“Fuck you, Novak! I’m not…How do you know that I....?” Dean stammered, a wave of nausea washing over him. 

It embarrassed him and simultaneously pissed him off that Castiel’s statement was so accurate. Despite the fact that he really had been seconds away from coming untouched, he hated that Castiel was being such a smug jackass about it. 

“I know because I’ve been there, kid,” Castiel laughed and Dean couldn’t stop himself from cringing at the word ‘kid.’

It was as though Castiel were mocking him; like Dean was some pathetic, obsessed groupie of his that he was merely entertaining out of obligation. 

“Yeah, I get it, Novak. You’re ancient and you rock in bed. Just remember, nobody likes a bragger,” Dean grumbled, his anxiety giving way to anger. 

“I get sarcastic _and_ feisty Dean tonight, huh? Shit, it’s not even my birthday,” Castiel taunted before taking a swig of his drink. 

“If you don’t stop acting like such a fuckface you are going to get physically violent Dean,” the green eyed boy threatened. 

“That's okay, Winchester, I like it rough…Fuck, now I’m going to Hell for picturing such an innocent, sweet guy like you being all rough and dominant…” Castiel commented teasingly before his eyes wet wide in horror, tumbling to realization of what he had just said.

“What happened to not wanting me to pass out on you?” Dean asked, feeling the muscles around his heart constrict. 

“My bad, freckles. In my defense, it’s really hard for me to behave myself when you are looking at me with those big doey green eyes like you can’t get enough of me,” Castiel purred, scouting off his chair so that he and Dean were sitting cross-legged in front of each other. 

“Cas,” Dean whispered, letting the older boy pull him into another kiss. 

“All joking aside, Dean. We should take it slow, there’s no need to rush,” Castiel mumbled against his lips. 

“…I’d like that…” Dean said, pressing their foreheads together. 

“I’m going to kiss again, okay?” Castiel asked, threading his fingers through Dean’s hair. 

Dean answered by surging forward, grabbing a fist full of Castiel’s shirt as he crashed their lips together. 

“You…taste…like…cinnamon,” Dean mused between short, sloppy kisses. 

“It’s the whiskey,” Castiel chuckled, nipping at the younger boy’s bottom lip. 

“…C-can I try some?” Dean questioned suddenly. 

Pulling back slightly, Castiel titled his head to the side skeptically before saying, “I thought you didn’t want to drink?” 

“…I didn’t…but it tastes good on your lips so…I just want to try it,” Dean explained, sliding his hands down Castiel’s chest to rest them on the inside of his thighs. 

“…Alright…as long as you are trying it because you want to,” Castiel told him, reaching back to grab the bottle of cinnamon whiskey. 

“I am, promise,” Dean confirmed, giving the older boy a confessed look when he held the bottle out to him. “You aren’t going to mix it for me?” he asked incredulously. 

“C’mon freckles, take a swig. It’s like eating a Hot Tamale,” Castiel chuckled, his blue eyes shining with mischief. 

Determined not to lose his nerve, Dean took the bottle from Castiel, timidly bringing it up to his lips before tasting just a little of the potent liquid. 

“Wow, that’s actually pretty good,” Dean said happily, taking a second, digger drink.

“Hold up there, Lil Jon. You still have to drive to Ash’s house later so let’s not start taking shots,” Castiel teased. 

“Isn’t that a drinking game? You should teach me to play,” Dean asked, the hard liquor mixed with his medication already making him a little loopy. 

“Shots are usually incorporated into drinking games, yes. And if I were going to teach you to play something involving the consumption of alcohol, it would be Never Have I because I’d be doing most of the drinking,” Castiel informed him, looking a little on edge when Dean started to chug from the bottle. 

“Teach away Master Obi Won,” Dean giggled after drinking the liquid down to the top of the label. 

“…Fuck, Winchester…I know I was teasing earlier about ruining your innocence but I don’t really want teach you bad habits…” Castiel confessed, a conflicted expression on his face. 

“Dude, it’s no big deal. Just because you teach me a one drinking game doesn’t mean I’m going to want to go out and party all of a sudden. I’m only interested in drinking with you and I trust you to take care of me, Cas,” Dean stated, the combination of medication and alcohol mellowing him out. 

If he was being truthful, Dean hadn’t felt that good in…forever. 

“Shit…Alright, freckles I surrender. Text Ash and let him know you are staying here tonight,” Castiel sighed. “Oh, and thanks for the express one-way ticket to Hell,” he added as Dean retrieved his cell phone from the pocket of his jeans. 

“You’re welcome, sexy,” Dean snickered, pressing random buttons on his touch screen until he was half-way positive he had constructed a coherent message before hitting send. 

“Oh dear God….You are already trashed…” Castiel groaned, grabbing the bottle of Jack Daniels that was behind him. 

“I am not! Now, how do you play I Have Never?” Dean inquired between gulps of Fireball. 

“It’s Never Have I, you fucking lush, and we just take turns naming something we've never done. If the other person has done it, he has to drink,” Castiel explained before taking a huge drink of his whiskey, trying to play catch up with Dean. 

“Oh, that’s easy! I’ll go first. I’ve never smoked a cigarette before,” Dean stated, smiling like a fool when Castiel had to drink. 

“Okay…I’ve never been to a Star Trek convention,” Castiel said slyly, laughing when Dean turned bright red and sipped his whiskey. 

“….I’ve…Ooo, I’ve never gotten a piercing,” Dean replied. 

“Whoa, really?” Castiel asked before taking another drink. 

“Yeah, dumb dumb. Do you see any holes in my face?” Dean shot back playfully. 

“No, but I had held out hope that maybe you were a little rebel and had some hidden jewelry,” Castiel teased, hearing Dean’s breath hitch in his throat. 

“…Wh-where would I have piercings if they weren’t on my face?” Dean questioned innocently.

“There are plenty of places, freckles. What? Do you think that all _my_ piercings are visible?” Castiel inquired, enjoying the fact that he was making Dean squirm. 

“…I just assumed…C-can I see them?” Dean asked bravely, locking eyes with Castiel. 

“Wow, whiskey makes you a brazen little slut, doesn’t it?” Castiel retorted sarcastically. 

“…I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have…I didn’t mean…” Dean stammered, trying to backtrack. 

By that point, he was pretty positive that he was NOT supposed to mix alcohol with his medication because the funny, chill feeling he had when he first started drinking was now slowly being replaced with dizziness and fatigue. 

“Hey, hey, I was just kidding! Of course you can see them,” Castiel told him, setting down the bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand to unbutton his shirt. 

Dean held his breath as Castiel worked his way down the row of buttons in order to pull his shirt back before finally taking his arms out of the sleeves. He then tossed the piece of fabric to the side and sat up straight, revealing small horizontal silver barbells though both of his nipples. 

“…Holy fucking shit….” Dean wheezed, absentmindedly reaching out to brush his fingertips against one of the piercings, grazing Castiel’s skin in the process which made the older boy shiver.

“I take it that these are a turn on?” Castiel asked, his pupils blown out with lust as he stared at Dean hungrily. 

“Definitely, and so are these,” Dean stated, moving his hands to run them down Castiel’s tattoo covered arms. 

Examining the brightly colored art, Dean soon noticed that Castiel had a beautiful rose tattooed on his left forearm which stretched from just below his elbow to his wrist. And just underneath the flower, were the words _In Memory of Naomi Novak_.

“Roses were her favorite,” Castiel said suddenly, shaking Dean out of his daze. 

It was then that he realized he had been staring at the tattoo, tracing it lightly with his fingers. 

“It’s a lovely way to honor your mother’s memory,” Dean replied, unable to stop himself from leaning forward to wrap his arms around Castiel’s neck. 

“Eh, she hated tattoos but I think she’d appreciate the sentiment all the same,” Castiel joked, hugging Dean back. 

Castiel had been thirteen when his mother, whom he was extremely close to, had died in a car crash and it was her death that had steered Castiel toward his current punk lifestyle. 

“I bet you miss her like crazy…” Dean mumbled sadly, nuzzling against the older boy’s neck. 

“Yeah, there are some days I still expect her to just walk into my room and ask me how my day was…Hurts like hell…” Castiel confessed, and the sorrow in his voice, along with the unwise combination of alcohol and medication, made Dean start to cry. 

“I’m sorry Cas,” Dean blubbered, squeezing the older boy tightly. 

“Hey, shhh, it’s okay,” Castiel cooed, rubbing his back gently. “What do you say we get you to bed, Tara Reid?” 

“O-okay,” Dean agreed, letting Castiel carefully pull him to his feet so that he could lead him to the mattress and lay him down. 

“Oh freckles, you are going to have one killer hangover tomorrow,” Castiel sighed, covering Dean up with his blanket. 

“…I…had fun though…” Dean sniffled, looking up at the older boy with his watery green eyes. 

“Me too, baby. Now try to get some rest,” Castiel said, leaning down to kiss Dean’s forehead. 

“G’night Cas,” Dean mumbled, closing his eyes in hopes that the room would stop spinning. 

“Night Dean,” he heard Castiel reply before he fell into a substance induced sleep.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update, lovelies! College is CRAZY. 
> 
> Please forgive in grammar or spelling errors. <3 There might be more than usual because my brain is seriously fried. Lol Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy this chapter!

The next morning Dean woke up to a throbbing pain in his head. Opening his eyes slowly, the memory of the previous night flooded his mind, causing him to let out a loud, frustrated groan. He had made a complete and total fool of himself in front of Castiel and now, to add insult to injury, he would have to face the older boy in the sober light of day. 

'Just great,' Dean thought to himself in exasperation, 'I'll be one lucky son of a bitch if Castiel ever speaks to me again after this.' 

It was true. Dean was sure that after how juvenile he had acted the night before, getting drunk and turning into an emotional, blubbering mess, that Castiel would want to cut all ties with him. And to top it all off, Dean had discovered he was a fucking lightweight, which was probably just another item on the long list of reasons why Castiel was going to drop him like a hot potato. 

Rolling over onto his back, Dean’s heart sank even lower in his chest when he reached out his right hand to find that Castiel was not lying next to him in the bed. Sighing dramatically, he buried his face in his hands, his body aching with anxiety, fear, and pain. ‘Way to go, Winchester,’ he thought bitterly as he felt the hot prickling sensation of tears forming in his eyes. Thankfully however, he hadn’t quite started crying when he heard Castiel addressing him, filling the silent room with the sound of his low, gravelly voice. 

“You okay there, champ?” Castiel asked playfully as Dean looked to his left to see the older boy lounging lazily on one of the beanbag chairs, an iPad with a blue cover clutched in his hands. 

Castiel hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt, Dean noticed, but he had however changed out of his skinny jeans into a pair of red plaid pajama bottoms. Upon further inspection, Dean felt the end of his lips curl up in a tiny smirk when he saw that Castiel’s hair was even messier than usual, looking as though a tornado had just blown through it. 

“…I’ve been better…” Dean admitted, studying Castiel curiously. “Did you sleep down there?” 

“Nah, I slept on the couch in the living room. I just came up here to check on you about fifteen minutes ago and when I saw you were still asleep I decided to stay ‘cause…Well, ‘cause I didn’t want you to wake up alone,” Castiel explained, the sweetness of his gesture making Dean’s insides turn to Jell-O. 

“…I appreciate that…” the green eyed boy replied as he sat up gingerly, almost instantly regretting the action.

“Uh oh, you’re looking a little green there, kid,” Castiel stated nervously, eyeing Dean as if he were an active volcano that was about to erupt. 

“…I think…I think I’m gonna be sick…” Dean whined, a wave of nausea washing over him. 

“Last door at the end of the hall,” Castiel said, barely getting the words out before Dean bolted out of the bed, running toward the bathroom. 

When he reached the small, brightly color room, Dean didn’t even have time to close the door behind him as he rushed over to the toilet, emptying the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl. 

As he continued to vomit, Dean was vaguely aware that Castiel had followed him into the bathroom and was now kneeling by his side, rubbing his back gently. 

“It’s okay, freckles. I’ve got you,” Castiel whispered, cuddling and soothing him until Dean’s stomach finally calmed down. 

“…I’m…s-sorry Cas,” Dean gasped, his eyes filled with tears as sweat poured off his body. “…I-I think the combination of m-my medicine and the alcohol w-was a bad id-ea,” he hiccupped, slumping against the older boy when he was stuck by a dizzy spell. 

“Your med-? Shit…You mean the medication you take for your anxiety?” Castiel inquired, his whole body going rigid. 

“Y-yeah…” Dean replied quietly. 

“Fuck, Dean…What are you on?” Castiel asked and Dean could tell that the older boy was trying desperately to keep his voice level. 

It was uncharacteristic of Castiel to lose his cool, but in the last couple of days it seemed to have been happening often. This was why Dean found himself hesitating for a moment before replying, the fear of Castiel getting upset spiking his anxiety. 

“…Uh…well Xanax, obviously…and Zoloft…” Dean eventually confessed, his tone low and guilt-ridden. 

It absolutely killed him to have to admit that, in addition to his plethora of anxiety issues, he also suffered from depression. At the same time, however, despite his apprehension, there was something about Castiel that compelled Dean to want to tell the blue eyed boy about his flaws. He couldn’t explain it, but he just knew the older boy would never judge him, and honestly, Dean really wanted someone to talk to. Sure he had his parents and his sibling to confide in, but for some reason beyond his comprehension, Dean knew talking to Castiel would be different. In his mind, the conversation would be more centered on reassuring him everything was going to be okay rather than trying to fix him and that was something Dean needed desperately for time to time. Of course he wanted to get better, there was no denying that, but every once in a while he just wanted to hear that, in spite of all his problems, things were eventually going to work out for the best. And he was positive that Castiel would be the person to provide him that comfort. 

However, regardless of Castiel’s understanding nature, Dean was careful to leave out the fact that he was also taking ACE inhibitors for his heart when he rattled off his list of medications. One, because he hadn’t changed his mind about keeping his heart condition a secret from Castiel, and two, because he was almost positive that supplying that sensitive information would have resulted in Castiel suffering an aneurism.

“Jesus fucking Christ…You knowingly mixed alcohol with an antidepressant? Did you not realize that alcohol can counteract the benefits of Zoloft, or any antidepressant for that matter? …No wonder you were so upset last night,” Castiel scolded as he helped Dean up from the floor. 

“Well excuse the hell out of me, Dr. Novak,” Dean grumbled, unable to stop himself from getting upset even though he knew Castiel was right.

Despite understanding that Castiel was worried and just wanted him to grasp the severity of the situation, Dean hated hearing the older boy talk to him like the was five. He already felt like an irresponsible child and Castiel chastising him only made him feel worse. 

“This is serious, Dean….” Castiel said, cupping both of Dean’s cheeks in his hands. “You could have really hurt yourself…Please…Please tell me you didn’t know what you were doing?”

“Wh-what?” Dean asked, his mouth going dry as Castiel’s words hit him like a ton of bricks.

“Did you know that it was unwise to mix alcohol with the medication you are taking?” Castiel repeated calmly, making Dean’s blood boil at how impersonal he sounded. 

“What exactly are you trying asking me, Castiel?” Dean spat back, shoving the older boy away from him. 

Sighing, Castiel held up his hands tentatively in an effort to show Dean that he didn’t mean any harm. 

“…I wasn’t trying to offend you...But depression is a serious thing and I just want to make sure you weren’t purposely trying to hurt yourself…If…If you were, I want to help you. You aren’t alone, Dean…I just want to be there for you if you are going through a rough time,” Castiel explained earnestly, closing the gap between them once more.

“…Cas,” Dean whispered, his anger melting away as he looked up at the concerned blue eyed boy with affection. “I promise, I wasn’t trying to hurt myself. I didn’t…I mean, I knew that the combination probably wasn’t the best choice but…I didn’t take into consideration just how bad it could have potentially been. And while I have had some trouble in the past and there have been times that I thought my life really wasn’t worth living…That’s not the case now. I’ve been managing my depression really well as of late,” Dean confessed, feeling his whole body begin to tremble. 

It was terrifying opening himself up like this, especially to someone like Castiel who seemed so content and happy with himself and his life.

“Okay Dean, I believe you. And I’m so glad to hear that you have been fighting and staying strong,” Castiel told him, shocking Dean to his core. 

“…Th-thanks Cas,” Dean stuttered, blushing deeply. 

“Of course, kid. Now, how about we get you cleaned up?” Castiel asked, giving Dean a bright smile. 

“…Sounds good,” Dean agreed, letting Castiel maneuver him over to the sink. 

“Here, let me have your shirt so I can put it in the wash,” the older boy ordered once they were in front of the bathroom counter. 

Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, Dean looked down to examine his shirt, discovering that it was stained with vomit along the collar and chest area. 

“Ugh, gross!” Dean griped, reaching down to grab the hem of his shirt so that he could carefully pull the fabric over his head before handing it to Castiel. 

“I’ll be right back,” Castiel told him as he rolled up the shirt so the vomit wasn’t exposed. “While I’m gone wash your face and neck. I’ll bring you one of my shirts to wear. Oh, and there is mouthwash in the medicine cabinet,” he added, giving Dean a quick wink before disappearing out of the bathroom. 

In Castiel’s absence, Dean did as he was told, cleaning the dried vomit off his chin and using the Act mouthwash that the older boy had offered him so his breath didn’t reek of regurgitated whiskey. 

And by the time Castiel reappeared holding a purple Avenged Sevenfold shirt in his hand, Dean was as good as new. 

“Here ya go, kid,” Castiel said, standing in the doorway as he handed Dean the t-shirt.

“…You know, Cas…I really hate it when you call me that,” Dean blurted out before he could stop himself. 

“Really? Why?” Castiel questioned, tilting his head to the side curiously. 

“…It…I don’t know…It kind of makes me feel inferior,” Dean explained nervously as he put on the shirt the older boy had given him. 

“My bad, dude,” Castiel replied sheepishly, smirking down at Dean. 

“Why are you laughing at me?” Dean pouted, ducking his head when Castiel tried to ruffle his hair. 

“I’m not laughing at you. I just really like it when you stand up for yourself, that’s all. And I was not calling you ‘kid’ to make you feel inferior…It was meant to be a term of endearment, I swear,” Castiel told him. 

“Yeah well, it sucks,” Dean teased, playfully slapping Castiel chest. “Just stick with freckles.” 

“Freckles it is,” Castiel agreed, taking Dean by the hand to lead him out of the bathroom. 

However, once in the hall, their journey was brought to a halt when they stumbled upon Gabriel and Samandriel play wrestling near Castiel’s bedroom door, the two boys blocking their path. 

“Dean?” Samandriel asked incredulously when he noticed the green eyed boy hiding behind his older brother, using him as a shield. 

Unfortunately for Samandriel however, Gabriel seized that moment to take advantage of his distraction, elbowing his little brother in the stomach before pulling him into a headlock. 

“Hi Samandriel,” Dean mumbled, peeking over Castiel’s shoulder. 

“Dude, how do you know Cassie’s new piece of ass?” Gabriel asked Samandriel, who was currently squirming around in his grasp. 

“Don’t be rude, Gabriel,” Castiel barked, shooting his older brother a dirty look. 

“Dean’s in…my h-history cla-ss,” Samandriel explained, panting as he struggled to get free. 

“Whoa there little brother! When did you start eating baby food?” Gabriel questioned teasingly, reaching down to mess up Samandriel’s hair, making the younger boy curse. 

“I’m going to pretend like I didn’t just hear you say that,” Castiel grumbled, visibly riled up. 

By that point, Castiel's grip on Dean's hand had become tight enough that it was causing him slight discomfit and he couldn’t stop himself from letting out a small, low whine. It was unlike Castiel to let something so petty get under his skin and seeing him on the verge of actually losing his cool made Dean’s anxiety sky rocket. 

“C-Cas, it’s o-kay,” Dean managed to stutter, his chest aching as he tried not to have a panic attack. 

“No, it’s not. My brother is being a jackass,” Castiel seethed, glaring over at Gabriel who had finally released Samandriel. 

“Mind you blood pressure, Cassie. You don’t want jailbait over there to see you Hulk out,” Gabriel taunted, a mischievous gleam in his whiskey colored eyes. 

But before Castiel could respond, Michael emerged from his bedroom on the left side of the hall, looking extremely agitated. 

“Enough Gabriel,” Michael ordered.

Completely taken aback, Dean’s jaw dropped in shock when he saw Gabriel actually obey, taking a few steps back with his hands held up in surrender. 

“Welp, I’m out,” Samandriel stated suddenly, dashing into his room before anyone could react. 

“Castiel, why don’t you take your friend back to your room and try to calm down? I’ll be in to check on you in a few minutes when I’m done having a talk with our _older_ brother,” Michael said in a neutral, but somehow terrifying tone.

Giving Michael a quick nod, Castiel didn’t waste any time complying with his brother's wishes as he led Dean passed Gabriel, who he gave one last glare, before slamming his door behind them. 

As soon as they were in Castiel’s room, the older boy immediately stomped over to his bed, sitting down and closing his eyes before he began to take slow, deep breaths. 

“Cas…,” Dean whispered, watching in disbelief as the blue eyed boy in front of him attempted to manage his breathing.

‘Holy shit,’ Dean thought to himself. ‘Castiel does breathing exercises just like me.’

“I’m sorry, freckles…It’s okay…Don’t be scared,” Castiel said softly when he opened his eyes to see Dean cowering against the door. 

“…I’ve…You never…” Dean babbled, feeling his chest constrict again. 

“Shh, baby, it's okay. Come here, please?” Castiel asked calmly. 

Forcing himself to move, Dean timidly made his way over to Castiel, eventually taking a seat next to him at the foot of the bed. 

“…I’ve never seen you get angry like that before…Expect for yesterday in the car….Do…do I make you mad?” Dean inquired, his voice barely a whisper as he looked over at Castiel. 

“No, freckles. You don’t make me mad at all. The affect you have on me is quite the opposite, actually,” Castiel promised him, putting his arm around Dean’s shoulder to pull him into a sideways hug. 

“…Okay...Then what’s wrong?” Dean asked urgently, wrapping himself around Castiel’s middle. 

However, when Castiel failed to respond, Dean pulled back from their hug to look the older boy in the face. 

“…Shit baby, don’t do that. Anything but the puppy dog eyes,” Castiel scolded playfully. 

“Cas, please tell me what’s wrong. You know…you aren’t alone either. I want to help,” Dean said, trying desperately to keep himself calm so that he could be there for Castiel.

“Alright, alright,” Castiel sighed, giving the younger boy a quick peck on the cheek. “Hell, I guess since you were brave enough to tell me about your disorders that it’s only fair that I nut up and tell you about mine,” he added, making Dean’s jaw drop. 

“Wh-what?” Dean stammered, his eyes wide with shock. 

“…When I was fourteen I was diagnosed with this thing called intermittent explosive disorder..” Castiel admitted as he fidgeted nervously. 

“You were what?” Dean asked again, completely dumbfounded. 

“I have IED...it sounds made up, I know…But sadly it’s legit and it just means that I’m highly prone to irrational outbursts of anger…95% of it is just me freaking out and yelling….although it has made me physically violent before…” Castiel explained, looking heartbreakingly vulnerable. 

“…You’re so chill though! You seriously never get angry,” Dean replied incredulously after a short pause, his mind reeling. 

“The cocktail of mood stabilizers and other fun stuff that I’m on does wonders for my condition, freckles…But I haven’t taken my medicine this morning...so that’s why I’m a little edgy,” Castiel joked, attempting to lighten the mood. 

“ _Holy fucking shit_ ,” Dean whispered under his breath, unable to appreciate humor at that current moment in time. 

He would have never ventured to guess that Castiel had anything wrong with him…at all. The guy seemed perfect, always so relax and confident. Needless to say, Dean was having a very hard time comprehending how such a calm and collected guy like Castiel could have anger issues. 

“…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner…It’s just not something I like to bring up in casual conversation,” Castiel explained, reaching up to run his hand through Dean’s bed-hair. 

“…No, don’t apologize, Cas. Believe me, I get it,” Dean told him, struggling to move passed his shock. 

“Are you okay, Dean? You look uneasy…I promise you aren’t in any danger. I wouldn’t be sitting here if I didn’t have myself under control. You are the last person I’d ever want to hurt,” Castiel said, looking into Dean’s eyes.

“…It’s not that, Cas…I’m not scared of you…I could never be scared of you,” Dean mumbled shyly, ducking his head. 

“Well then what is it, freckles?” Castiel asked.

“…I just can’t believe that someone so in control as you has anger issues…You always seemed so normal,” Dean blurted out, his heart picking up its pace when he realized how rude his comment sounded. 

“You see, I have to take offense to that because that word ‘normal’? Yeah, I fucking hate it. In all honestly, I’d love to live in a world where calling someone ‘normal’ is considered an insult,” Castiel replied mockingly, even though he wasn’t truly offended. 

However, despite Castiel’s sarcastic response, Dean found himself throwing his arms around the blue eyed boy, hugging him with all his might. 

“Thanks Cas,” Dean mumbled, nuzzling against the older boy’s neck. 

“What for?” Castiel inquired, sounding extremely confessed but embracing the younger boy nevertheless. 

“…I’ve always felt like a freak for not being able to control my own body…And I’ve spent a lot of my life wishing I was ‘normal’…but hearing you say that…knowing that someone as amazing and perfect as you thinks it’s alright to be a little out of the ordinary…well, it means a lot to me and it was something I really needed to hear,” Dean explained, not even trying to hide the fact that he had begun to cry. 

“Hey, look at me,” Castiel ordered gently, leaning back so he could see Dean's face. “I’m far from perfect, freckles but I do know this, the only thing you need to be is yourself. And if that means being a nerd who obsesses over cult classics and gets slightly frazzled around other people, then so be it,” the older boy told him, wiping the tears away from his cheeks. 

“I’m pretty sure ‘slightly frazzled’ is a gross understatement there killer,” Dean teased, beaming with pride when Castiel wrinkled his nose at the nickname. 

“Really? It’s been like five minutes since you found out that I have anger issues and you’re already starting to tease me? Haven’t you ever heard of the phase don’t poke the bear?” Castiel asked, poking Dean in the side playfully. 

“Well considering in this case I’m dealing with a teddy bear, I’m not too worried. Besides, like I said earlier Cas, I’m not scared of you,” Dean told him before leaning forward cautiously to press his lips against the older boy’s.

“Good, I’m glad to hear that,” Castiel replied between short, tender kisses. 

Smirking against the older boy’s lips, Dean had just worked up the nerve to kiss Castiel a little bit more passionately when the bedroom door opened, making both of them jump. 

“Bro!” Castiel whined, glaring over at Michael who let out a soft chuckle.

“Sorry Cassie, I just wanted to make sure you were okay...Which judging by the looks of things that seems to be the case,” Michael said slyly, making Dean turn candy apple red from head to toe. 

“Thanks, Mike. Now get lost,” Castiel teased, laughing when his older brother flipped him off before exiting the room. 

“He’s pretty cool,” Dean mused, his heart graduating from doing a summersault to a triple full in his chest when Castiel pulled him into the most heated kiss they had shared thus far. 

“Yeah, all my siblings are pretty tolerable…Well, expect maybe that assbutt Gabriel,” Castiel joked, panting slightly after their short make out session. 

“…Assbutt?” Dean wheezed, his mind on overload. 

He had never been kissed the way Castiel had just kissed him, and the fact that the older boy was seriously expecting him to be able to carry on a causal conversation afterward baffled him to no end. 

“Shut up. Hey, why don’t we go downstairs for some breakfast? That way I can take my medicine and you can put some nutrients back in your body,” Castiel offered, standing up and holding out his hand for Dean. 

“Oh my God, food sounds amazing right now,” Dean agreed, his stomach rumbling as he got to his feet, talking the older boy’s outstretched hand. “Besides, I need to take my medicine too and I can’t do that on an empty stomach,” he added, making Castiel smile. 

“Awesome, we can take our medicine together. It will be a party,” the older boy teased as he began to lead Dean to the kitchen. 

“Does it make me an epic dork for thinking that’s the most awesome thing you’ve ever said to me?” Dean asked nervously when they reached the hall. 

“…Truthfully? Yes. But to be fair, I really like the fact that you are an epic dork. It's one of my favorite things about you,” Castiel replied, causing a goofy grin to spread across Dean’s lips. 

And as they made there way to the kitchen, Dean silently thanked the powers at be for the amazing blue eyed boy they had been kind enough to drop into his life. Rather than judging him or making fun of him for being a freak, Castiel had embraced Dean's quirks and even shown him a couple of his own. And for that, Dean was beyond grateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I want to live in a world where the word 'normal' is an insult." -Misha Collins <3


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my lovely beta Kharisma21! <3 Love ya, buddy!
> 
> And I'm so sorry this update took forever and a day! I hope everyone enjoys this chapter!

“Holy shit, you’re alive!” Dean heard Ash shout, turning his head to the right to see his friend walking up to his locker.

 

“…And why wouldn’t I be?” Dean asked in confusion, sounding far crankier than he had meant to.

 

In his defense, it was ten thirty a.m. on a Monday morning and Dean was one of those people who couldn’t function properly until AT LEAST noon. So needless to say, unnecessary human interaction was not something he wanted at the moment.

 

“Uh, because you spent the night at Castiel’s house on Friday, duh. I figured the coroner would have already written ‘death by angsty punk kid’s dick’ on your medical report by now,” Ash teased, causing Dean to turn an unnatural shade of red.

 

“Dude, knock it off! We just watched a movie,” Dean mumbled as he shut his locker.

 

Of course, Castiel and he had done a bit more than innocently watch a movie, but Dean didn’t think their tiny make out session was anything to go bragging about…even though he really wanted to. He wanted to brag about that, and the fact that Castiel and he had been texting non-stop since Saturday afternoon. Hell, he even wanted to confess to Ash that he felt like skipping through daisies and singing love songs because Castiel made him so damn happy.

 

But thankfully Dean refrained, for Ash’s sake and his.

 

“Yeah, sure. Well, did Castiel live up to his reputation as being a really great ‘movie watcher’?” Ash questioned suggestively, using air quotes and everything as wiggled his eyebrows at Dean.

 

“You’re an idiot,” Dean sighed, shaking his head disapprovingly at his friend.

 

However, before Ash could respond with a sarcastic comment, their conversation was interrupted by the boy who made it his mission to torment Dean mercilessly.

 

Alastair.  

 

“Winchester, are these new?” Alastair asked, snatching Dean’s glasses off his face.

 

“Considering you broke my last pair, I think you know the answer to that,” Dean shot back, trying to ignore the anxiety brewing in the pit of his stomach.

 

Smiling wickedly, Alastair responded to Dean’s quip by dropping his glasses on the floor before crushing them under the heel of his boot.

 

“You bastard!” Dean yelled, his anger getting the better of him as he shoved the other boy in the chest.

 

Of course, the shove didn’t do much good. Dean, because of his asthma and other assorted ailments, was not in the best of shape and didn’t have much upper body strength. However, his brave action did manage to shock Alastair temporarily.

 

Unfortunately for Dean though, Alastair regained his composure quickly, grabbing him by the shoulders to slam him back against his locker.

 

“Let him go!” Ash demanded, attempting to pull Alastair off of Dean only to get elbowed in the chest by the bully for his effort, the blow knocking him on his ass.

 

“Damn, the nerd squad is feisty this morning,” Alastair taunted before drawing back his fist to punch Dean in the stomach.

 

“Leave us alone!” Dean shouted, flinching when his tormentor glowered at him.

 

Shutting his eyes, Dean’s whole body tensed as he waited for his beating to continue.

 

“Alastair, _enough_.”

 

Hearing the gravelly sound of Castiel’s voice, Dean’s eyes shot open to see the older boy gripping Alastair tightly by the wrist, holding him back from delivering another blow. Taking in the scene in front of him, Dean also noticed that Ash was on his feet again; looking at Castiel like he was the second fucking coming.

 

The older boy was decked out in one of his signature punk themed outfits, his jeans ripped and his t-shirt band related. His black hair was chaotic as usual; his brightly colored tattoos and assorted facial piercings making him stand out among the sea of everyday teenagers roaming the hall behind him. The only thing that seemed to be different about Castiel that day was the angry scowl that had befallen his handsome face.

 

“This ain’t any of your business, Novak,” Alastair seethed, yanking his arm out of Castiel’s grip.

 

Stepping forward, Castiel glared at Alastair with a hint of hatred in his baby blue eyes.

 

“I beg to differ, jackass, ‘Cause I think preventing you from hurting my boyfriend is very much my business,” Castiel retorted.

 

Upon hearing Castiel’s statement, Dean wasn’t sure who’s expression was more shocked, his, Alastair’s, or Ash’s.

 

“You’re dating this loser?” Alastair asked incredulously.

 

“He’s not a loser,” Castiel growled and if Dean hadn’t been in the middle of a panic attack at that very moment, he probably would have smiled like an idiot.

 

“Well ain’t that cute, two freaks in love,” Alastair taunted.

 

“Walk away, Alastair,” Castiel ordered, balling up his fists in anger.

 

“Cas, don’t…It’s o-okay,” Dean stuttered, trying to calm the older boy down even though he was freaking out himself.

 

“You better listen to your loser boyfriend, Novak,” Alastair laughed, stepping forward to get in Castiel’s face.

 

Opening his mouth to respond, Castiel was just about give Alastair one last chance to leave when a strong hand clamp down on his left shoulder.

 

“Hey brother, what seems to be the problem?” Benny asked, looking back and forth curiously between the two boys.

 

Benny, a stocky, handsome boy with brown eyes and a charming Cajun accent, was Castiel’s closest friend, the two of them having known each other since they were children.

 

“No problem here, buddy. Alastair was just leaving,” Castiel replied coolly.

 

Along with Benny, Castiel’s friends Meg and Balthazar had also joined the fray, the both of them eyeing Alastair with contempt.

 

“This ain’t over, Novak,” Alastair threatened before taking his opportunity to get the hell out of dodge.

 

“Why were you wasting your time arguing with that idiot anyway, Clarence?” Meg interjected, sounding extremely bored as she watched Alastair disappear into a classroom at the end of the hall.

 

Vaguely registering Meg’s words, Castiel remained silent, quickly making his way over to Dean who was still plastered against his locker, his body trembling from head to toe.

 

And once he was standing in front of the younger boy, Castiel cautiously pulled Dean into a hug as he whispered to him that everything was going to be okay.

 

“…He was defending Dean,” Ash explained when Castiel failed to answer Meg.

 

“Whoa, what do we have here? When did you go cougar on us Cassie?” Balthazar asked, his face lighting up with a shit eating grin.

 

“Holy shit, Clarence, I’m proud of you. You’ve finally embraced your infatuation with the little one,” Meg cooed.

 

“Jesus Christ, guys. I’m not robbing the fucking cradle or anything here. He’s sixteen for fuck’s sake,” Castiel grumbled as he rubbed his palm soothingly between Dean’s shoulder blades.

 

“C-Cas?” Dean gasped suddenly, causing the older boy to look down at him.

 

“Yeah baby?” Castiel answered with a concerned look on his face.

 

“Can…We go outside? I-I need air…” Dean stuttered, desperate to get away from the crowd of people gawking at him.

 

“Of course. C’mon, freckles,” Castiel said gently, releasing Dean so he could hold out his hand to him.

 

“Freckles? Well, isn’t that downright precious?” Meg sneered, earning a dirty look from Castiel.

 

“Catch ya later, brother. Maybe you can fill us in about all this at lunch?” Benny asked, ignoring Meg’s comment as he watched Dean grab ahold of Castiel’s outstretched hand, the younger boy’s body still visibly shaking.

 

“Yeah, will do buddy,” Castiel agreed before leading Dean down the hall and out to the front of the school.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once outside, Dean took several deep breaths, trying desperately to clear his mind as he held onto Castiel’s hand tightly.

 

In all his life, Dean had never felt that trapped. It was bad enough that he had just acted like a coward in front of Alastair, but to have Castiel’s friends show up afterward and taunthim? Now that was a miserable feeling. He hated it when people poked and prodded at him like that. Castiel and his relationship was nobody’s business but theirs. And whether they were joking or not, Dean was not a fan of Meg and Balthazar giving Castiel shit about their age difference. The older boy was not taking advantage of him. He was sixteen, strong willed, and intelligent. Dean knew exactly what he wanted, and that was the gorgeous blue eyed boy standing next to him.

 

“You okay, freckles?” Castiel asked in a worried tone after giving Dean a few minutes to gather his wits.

 

“Y-yeah...I was just feeling a little boxed in,” Dean mumbled, glancing over at the older boy shyly. “…Thanks for helping me, by the way…”

 

“No problem, baby,” Castiel replied as he pulled Dean into a warm hug.

 

“A-are you o-okay?” Dean gasped suddenly, trembling against Castiel’s chest.

 

“Me? Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Castiel asked, raising his pierced eyebrow in confusion.

 

“…You just seemed…I saw you get an-” Dean began to say, but found himself unable to finish his thought.

 

“I have myself under control, Dean. I promise,” Castiel reassured the younger boy when he realized exactly what he was thinking.

 

“Cas...” Dean whispered. “You know I don’t…I’m not…”

 

“I know, baby. You’re just looking out for me…And I appreciate that,” Castiel told him, his voice steady and comforting.

 

“N-no problem Cas…You do the same for me,” the younger boy replied. “…D-did you m-mean what you s-said?” he added timidly, nuzzling his face against Castiel’s right pectoral.

 

“‘Bout what?” Castiel inquired as he ran his fingers through Dean’s hair, the action bringing the younger boy an unbelievable amount of comfort.

 

“…‘Bout…me being your b-boyfriend…” Dean managed to say, squeezing his eyes shut tightly as he held his breath and waited for Castiel’s reply.

 

“Of course, freckles. Unless you feel uncomfortable labeling what this is yet or at all, for that matter. I’m flexible. Like I said, we don’t have to rush,” Castiel stated.

 

“I know, but…I’d like to be your boyfriend,” Dean said earnestly as he pulled back from Castiel’s embrace to look the older boy in the eyes.

 

“Awesome,” Castiel chuckled, leaning forward to kiss the tip of Dean’s nose.

 

“…Great…Well, as much as I’d love to stay out here with you…We better get to class before the bell rings…” Dean suggested reluctantly, trying not to hyperventilate about the fact that Castiel and he were officially dating.

 

“Aw, my boyfriend’s so responsible. Good thing too, cause I’m sure not,” Castiel teased as he ruffled Dean’s hair.

 

“Don’t worry, Cas. I’ll be your conscience,” Dean retorted, willing himself to stay calm although he was still overwhelmed by everything that had happened that morning.

 

“Well Jiminy Cricket, I have a question for you. Any chance you’d be interested in coming over to my house after school? We could study or do homework…or both?” Castiel inquired, raising his eyebrows in amusement when he heard Dean’s breath hitch in his throat.

 

“…I…I mean…” Dean stammered, wide-eyed and staring at Castiel like he had just slapped him.

 

“Please?” Castiel asked in a sickly sweet tone.

 

Psh, as if Dean needed any more convincing.

 

“…I want to Cas, it’s just my parents…” Dean sighed, fiddling with the hem of the older boy’s shirt.

 

“Tell them you are studying at Ash’s…or Jo’s. Just pick a person they like,” Castiel teased as he pulled Dean forward by the hips so that their bodies were pressed together.

 

Instinctively wrapping his arms around older boy’s neck, Dean looked up into Castiel’s piercing blue eyes which were studying him curiously.

 

“ _Cas_. You do know that suggestion just proves their point about you being a bad influence on me, right?” Dean questioned playfully.

 

“Truthfully baby? I have no qualms about proving your parents right if it means I get to have you all to myself after school today,” Castiel retorted and Dean was pretty sure the older boy’s brazen statement had turned him a shade of red he had never reached before.

 

“…Handsome and persuasive…I never stood a chance,” Dean dared to say, earning a cocky smile from Castiel.

 

“Met you in the parking lot at three-thirty?” Castiel asked smugly.

 

“…Yeah, definitely,” Dean replied without hesitation.

 

Smiling, Castiel demonstrated his happiness by pulling the younger boy into a gentle kiss.

 

 

 

**OoOoOoO**

 

 

 

By the time Dean and Castiel arrived at the Novak residence later that day, Dean had a mind numbing headache.

 

“C’mon freckles. Why don’t you lie down?” Castiel suggested as he guided Dean over to his bed.

 

“…I’m sorry to be such a drag, Cas…” Dean said miserably as he sat down on the older boy’s queen sized mattress.

 

“Don’t apologize, baby. It’s not your fault you have a headache. I just wish you would have let me take you home so you could get some rest,” Castiel told him, bending down to pull off Dean’s shoes.

 

“…I wanted to hangout with you…” Dean mumbled as Castiel gently pushed the younger boy onto his back.

 

“Shh, just try to relax,” Castiel whispered soothingly.

 

Trying to comply, Dean settled in to the mattress, feeling Castiel pull the large blanket that was on his bed over him as his body started to feel heavy.

 

Dean had been exhausted since he woke up that morning, a product of anxiety and mild case of insomnia so it wasn’t long before he was out cold, snuggled down in Castiel’s warm, comfortable bed.

 

 

 

**OoOoOoO**

 

 

 

Two hours later, Dean woke up to the feeling of his phone vibrating in the pocket of his jeans.

 

Opening his eyes, he took a minute to examine his surroundings, immediately noticing that there was something constricting and solid wrapped around his middle.

 

Turning his head slightly to the right, Dean nearly had a heart attack on the spot when he saw Castiel, a peaceful look on his face, curled up beside him with his arm draped over his stomach.

 

But that was only half the reason Dean was on the verge of hyperventilating. To top it all off, not only was there a drop dead gorgeous boy spooning him, but said boy was shirtless. _Shirtless_!

 

‘Breathe, Winchester, breathe,” he thought, pulling himself together enough to gingerly reach down into his pocket to grab his cell phone.

 

“Hello?” Dean answered, trying to keep his voice even so that it was low but not quite a whisper.

 

“Hi honey! Having fun at Ash’s?”

 

Of course, it had to be his mother.

 

“Yes ma’am. Well, as much fun as a person can have while doing homework,” Dean lied, his body tensing slightly as the sound of Castiel letting out a low groan reached his ears.

 

“Good to hear, sweetie. Do you know when you’ll be home?” Mary asked cheerfully.

 

“…How late am I allowed to stay out?” Dean inquired, clenching his stomach muscles when he felt Castiel start to rub circles around his belly button.

 

Glancing over at the older boy once more, his face flushed at the sight of Castiel, his eyes now open, smiling at him sleepily.

 

“How about ten?” Mary suggested.

 

“Really? Yeah, that’s great,” Dean replied, smiling shyly at Castiel in return.

 

“Talk to you later, honey. I love you,” Mary cooed, causing Dean to feel a little embarrassed even though Castiel couldn’t hear her.

 

“I love you too, mom,” Dean said, avoiding eye contact with the boy lying next to him as he hung up the phone.

 

“How ya feelin’ freckles?” Castiel asked once Dean had sat his phone on his bedside table.

 

“Much better, actually. I don’t remember the last time I slept that well,” Dean admitted, gathering the courage to trail his fingertips along Castiel’s heavily tattoo forearm.

 

“Good, I’m happy to hear that,” Castiel said sincerely as he leaned forward to give Dean an innocent peck on the lips.

 

“…Cas, wait,” Dean breathed out, reaching up to thread his fingers through the older boy’s hair. “You don’t have to treat me like I’m made of glass. I’m not _that_ fragile.”

 

“I hear you, baby,” Castiel chuckled, shifting forward in order to push Dean’s back against the mattress. “…but unfortunately I have a bad history of breaking things…”

 

“You won’t break me,” Dean stated as a matter of fact as he wrapped his arms around Castiel’s neck.

 

“…How can you be so sure, freckles?” Castiel wondered, looking down at Dean as though he were examining a priceless price of artwork.

 

“Because I trust you, Cas,” Dean whispered just before Castiel surged forward, kissing him furiously.

 

“ _Dean_ ,” Castiel moaned into the kiss as he pushed the younger boy’s shirt upward, exposing his stomach.

 

Reluctantly breaking the kiss, Dean sat up slightly so that he could pull his shirt off all the way, tossing it to the side without a second thought.

 

“…H-holy shit, Cas,” Dean mewled as Castiel trailed kisses down his chest to his right nipple before flicking his tongue over the sensitive flesh.

 

“You like that, baby?” Castiel asked huskily.

 

Moaning in response, Dean arched his back when Castiel started to suck on his nipple, swirling his tongue around the hardened, dark colored tissue.

 

“…Cas, please…” Dean begged, not quite sure what he was asking for.

 

“Shh, I’ll take care of you,” Castiel promised before blowing on Dean’s overstimulated nipple, causing a shiver to run up the younger boy’s spine.

 

Letting out a strangled noise of affirmation, Dean closed his eyes tightly, way too aware of the fact that Castiel had begun to move, trailing kisses down to his stomach.

 

_Oh fuck, oh fuck. Don’t freak out, Winchester, don’t freak out._

 

“Dean?”

 

Opening his eye abruptly, Dean realized that he had forgotten to breathe and immediately sucked in a long, much needed puff of air.

 

“…I’m…I’m sorry,” Dean stammered, fighting to suppress an oncoming panic attack.

 

“Hey, there’s no need to apologize,” Castiel assured the younger boy as he shifted himself upward, placing his left hand over Dean’s rapidly beating heart. “What can I do to help?”

 

“...Can…” Dean tried to asked but the words were caught in his throat.

 

“What do you need, baby? Please tell me,” Castiel urged, looking down at Dean with a set of puppy dog eyes to rival the great Sam Winchester.

 

“…Can we…cuddle for a minute…I just need to calm down,” Dean gritted out, his cheeks blood red.

 

“Of course, freckles,” Castiel replied as he laid beside Dean, wrapping his arm around the younger boy’s waist.

 

Sighing dramatically, Dean turned his head away from Castiel in embarrassment, his body so tense it actually hurt.

 

“…Dean, please talk to me,” Castiel said after a few minutes of silence between the two. “I need to know what I did that you weren’t comfortable with so I don’t do it again.”

 

“This…this isn’t your fault, Cas…It’s…my stupid nerves. God, I can’t even enjoy being intimate with my boyfriend without having a fucking panic attack,” Dean huffed, reluctantly allowing Castiel to turn his head so they were looking at each other once more.

 

“It’s okay, baby. We just need to take it a little slower next time, that’s all,” Castiel explained calmly.

 

“…If we move any slower and we’ll be going backwards, Cas,” Dean retorted, thankful that the tightness in his chest was gradually receding.

 

Smirking, Castiel leaned forward to place a gentle kiss to Dean’s pouty lips.

 

“Sit up, freckles,” Castiel ordered in a soft tone, watching intently as Dean maneuvered himself so that his back was against the headboard of the bed.

 

“Wh-what are you doing?” Dean asked breathlessly when Castiel sat up as well and unbuttoned the younger boy’s jeans.

 

“Taking a less… _intense_ approach,” Castiel mused, slowly undid Dean’s zipper.

 

“…I’d hate to know what your definition of intense is,” Dean shot back, instinctively lifting up his ass when Castiel started to tug on his jeans, allowing the older boy to pull them, and his boxers, down to his knees.

 

“Just try to relax, baby, I’m going to make you feel good,” Castiel purred as he brushed his lips against Dean’s left cheek. “And if you want me to stop or you start to panic again, just let me know. Don’t ever hesitate to tell me to back off when you’re feeling uncomfortable, okay?”

 

“O-okay,” Dean agreed, barely stifling a moan when he saw Castiel lick up the length of his left palm before he wrapped it around the younger boy’s flaccid cock.

 

‘What the Hell?’ Dean thought. He had been so hard when Castiel was teasing him with his tongue not five minutes earlier. God, not only did anxiety suck in general but it was also a first class boner killer.

 

“Close your eyes, sweetheart…don’t think, just feel,” Castiel said in a low, sensual tone.

 

“Oh God, _Cas_ ,” Dean whispered as he closed his eyes, every inch of his skin sizzling with pleasure when Castiel began to stroke him slowly.

 

“That’s it, Dean. Feels good, doesn’t it, baby?” Castiel asked as he leisurely slid his slick hand up the shaft of Dean’s erection.

 

“Yes, faster please,” Dean begged, making a downright pornographic noise when Castiel ran his thumb over the head of his cock teasingly.

 

“Fuck, you’re loud,” Castiel chuckled as he peppered kisses down the younger man’s neck.

 

“…S-sorry…just fee-ls really goo-d,” Dean managed to reply, letting out another obscenely loud moan when Castiel nipped at his jugular.

 

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry,” Castiel mumbled against his skin. “It’s fucking hot.”

 

“Oh…fuck, Cas!” Dean shouted as he came ridiculously hard without any warning all over the older boy’s hand.

 

Wow. How many times could Dean embarrass himself in one friggin’ day?

 

“Mm, so fucking hot,” Castiel purred in his ear before he rolled off the bed to grab a dirty towel from his hamper so he could clean them up.

 

“…I’m…sorry, Cas…That was really embarrassing,” Dean huffed as he hung his head in shame.

 

“Dean, look at me,” Castiel demanded after he had cleaned them up as best he could.

 

Doing as he was told, Dean looked up into Castiel’s eyes, relieved to find that there wasn’t a hint of judgment or mockery to been found in the older boy’s gaze.

 

“You have nothing to apologize for. That was amazing…you are amazing,” Castiel told him earnestly before kissing Dean with everything he had.

 

“…Th-thanks Cas,” Dean stammered, completely overwhelmed by how understanding Castiel was being.

 

Shit. He didn’t deserve someone so perfect.

 

“No need to thank me, freckles, it’s the truth,” Castiel stated simply as he helped Dean pull up his pants.

 

“…What…what about you?” Dean asked, motioning to Castiel’s strained erection.

 

“I’ll take care of it. Baby steps, okay?” Castiel said and the younger boy couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

 

“…Yeah, okay…” Dean agreed, eyeing Castiel curiously as he stretched out beside him before undoing the button on his pants.

 

“You wanna watch, handsome?” Castiel inquired, pulling down his jeans to reveal his large, swollen cock which was leaking pre-cum.

 

“…Um…I…” Dean gasped as he started at the older boy with wide eyes.

 

“Don’t be shy, Dean. If you want to just say so,” Castiel teased, a little moan escaping his lips as he started to stroke himself.

 

“…I…Y-yes, I want to,” Dean admitted, his cheeks so hot from blushing that he could have lit a match off of them.

 

“Good,” Castiel replied breathlessly, a cocky smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

 

Oh crap, Dean was in way over his head…Too bad he kinda liked it.


End file.
